A Beautiful Woman

About a week ago I met an absolutely BEAUTIFUL person.  I was sitting with my group at Panera when this sweet older woman walked into our table.  We were mid-conversation and stopped as she asked very sweetly something along the lines of “Can you tell me to get to the front counter?”  As I looked down I saw that she was holding a white cane (for visually impaired people).  It jogged my memory of a little earlier that morning when the Panera worker had been walking her to the table.

We were in the middle of a really good conversation- we stopped of course and gave her directions and she was so grateful and went on her way.  As we continued I couldn’t help but watch her, just to make sure she made it.  My directions were not the best and as she got to the end of an aisle she was headed for another table.  Feeling responsible, I excused myself and ran over to catch up to her, told her she was not quite there yet, and offered my arm.  As we got to the front she said that Allison would help her, so I asked for Allison but the manager came out and greeted her by name saying she would help my friend. 

As I walked back to my table I couldn’t help but feel an amazing sense of joy from this woman.  She couldn’t see, but instead of being bitter and avoiding the world, she was out smiling and talking and living.  She was very aware of the fact that she needed help and couldn’t do everything on her own but was humble and open to asking and receiving help from whomever.  The workers knew her name and she knew theirs.

What an inspiring woman.  The approximate 3 minutes I had the blessing to spend with her lit up my day.  It really hit me how different I am and would be in her situation… The fact that I can see sometimes isolates and removes me from the people around me.  When I don’t know what to do or where to go I try and figure it out on my own, asking others only as a last resort.  I don’t want to appear “helpless”-- I focus more on how they might perceive me instead of accepting I cannot do it on my own.  Her lack of physical vision gives such a clearer spiritual vision- we cannot do it on our own.  I deny the simple truth that sometimes we all need help and can ask someone else.  God gives us friends and community for this reason- so we can lean on one another, but in order to do that you need to be willing to admit that you need it.  It was such a blessing to help this woman and I am sure there are so many people I have denied the blessing of helping me when I am in need because I am too proud to ask. 

This woman was absolutely beautiful because she was secure in who she was and in the fact that she can’t make it without help.  She has trust and humility to be able to get help from those around her, and instead of letting it bring her down she was such a joyful lady.  Beautiful and inspiring. 

18 by Steve Moakler

(Link to youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHXivM4TXio)

You’re beautiful

With the shiniest diamonds in your ears

You can’t hear your mother – she’s crying in the other room

She knows it won’t be okay

Farther from her daughter with the coming of each day

So you pick up your books, that you never read

Run off to school like a good drama queen

Do you care where you’re going, or know where you’ve been?

Barely a woman, you’re 18 years in

Our faith is placed in second chances

As the angel and her demon dance it’s

Like you’re 18 years in with no way out

And you’re the star of the story you don’t care about

Just a little girl in a bigger world turned upside-down

Well, don’t’ you throw it all away when no one’s here to pull you out

Who’s gonna pull you out?

You’re beautiful

with your brand new clothes

Like armor from your head, from your head to your toes

You keep it all inside so that nobody knows

Your heart’s on fire, people blind to the glow.

And all these boys are thirsty for your outsides

You never care to ever let the right ones in

They’re taking from you something that is sacred

I‘ve watched a car crash but I just can’t take this

Our faith is placed in second chances

As the angel and her demons dance

And when you’re safe and sound inside your bed

I know you dream of things bigger than the things that you let live

When you’re safe and sound inside your bed

I know you dream of things I, I know you dream 18 years in

Only 18 years in with no way out

And you’re the star of the story you don’t care about

Just a little girl in a bigger world turned upside-down

Well, don’t’ you throw it all away when no one’s here to pull you out

This is such a powerful message.  It has not been that song since I was 18 and as I reflect on how I have grown in these past couple years, I want to reach out to those I see believing the lies I did at that age.  My heart in writing this is to help encourage the people that I love to be free from the meaningless lies Satan is telling them- believing that they are not beautiful… not good enough… that they need to do what everybody around them is doing… that they aren’t special. 

While all the blame cannot be placed on “culture”, there are soooo many things that are backwards and messed up that our society tells us are “important” and that you “need to have/do”.  These lies are planted in our minds from a very young age- in TV shows, commercials, billboards, online… and as we enter into our teen years we start to live them out whether through relationships, with our money, with our time without even realizing why we are doing it.  I know it because this is what I did and am still struggling to distinguish between- what is right in God’s eyes versus what I have been told/influenced to do.

I love how this song shows that so many of us are living to keep up an image- one that is typically very different from the way we are feeling on the inside.  The way we dress (diamonds in your ears), the new clothes that are used like “armor” to protect us from standing out so that people won’t see us, and on the inside our hearts are on fire- wanting something more but people are blind to that glow because we cover it up to look the same as everyone else.  It is as if our biggest fear is standing out- especially for what we believe, and what we really want.

“Do you care where you’re going, or know where you’ve been?”

I love this question because it shows how we blindly go through the motions- through the routines just to keep up.  “Do you know where you’ve been?”  When we go places intentionally we know where we have been- and why… but when we are just going through motions and staying with the crowd it is so easy to get lost and not even know where we have been anymore.  We lose our self- and don’t even care where it is we are headed so long as we are with everyone else and not standing out- even if we think of feel differently.  We get so caught up in staying with the appearance that we start to feel like “there is no way out”, and yet inside we long for something more.  You have become “the star of a story you don’t care about”- it isn’t even about the things you want anymore- how sad is it to not even care about your own story, because you have given it to the crowd to write?

These things were not meant to fill us or sustain us- only God can fill that void and that longing.  He is the only one who can pull us out of it all.  Clothing, relationships, social status- none of those things can sustainably fulfill us.  The joy they bring us is momentary and fleeting- hence the need to keep going back for more and seek after style that is forever changing.

“And when you’re safe and sound inside your bed

I know you dream of things bigger than the things that you let live.”

And the sad part is that we all long for more- we all dream of these bigger things that we stifle to fit in… so know that you aren’t weird or different.  Take back your story and start to let your dreams shine.  Encourage one another instead of tearing one another down- God wants so much more for you, fill yourself with Him.

The Hunger Pains

The other morning I fasted from food because I was becoming aware of my growing selfishness and desire to satisfy my own wants.  God helped make me aware of the correlating growth of my spiritual hunger as I fed my fleshly nature more and more, putting my wants above his desires for my life.  (I say this because there are different reasons to fast and specifically this was my reason for the day) It is so cool the way God can use even the hunger cycles of our body to point us to who He is and the different aspects of our relationship with him. 

Lunch really satisfied my physical hunger, it was delicious- and I for some reason found it very strange as the evening approached that I found myself hungry again.  It was nothing different from my normal “hunger cycle” but for some reason it struck me as strange that after feeling SO satisfied at lunch, my stomach wanted to be fed again.  Reflecting back on the day, starting with my morning fast it hit me how strange it is that it is perfectly normal to feel and respond to my physical hunger multiple times a day- but how far removed I am from the pangs of my spiritual hunger and knowing how often to feed them during the day.  Just giving them a “breakfast-quiet-time” will not sustain my hunger for the day the same way just eating a big breakfast won’t fulfill your spiritual hunger throughout the day.

Spiritual hunger… maybe it manifests itself in different ways than our physical hunger- shortness of temper, harsh words, selfish thoughts? I need to be growing in my knowledge of my spiritual self and life- feeding it all day long as I do my physical self, so that I can recognize those “pangs” consciously so I can be feeding my spirit as I do my body.   “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” –Ephesians 6:12  my physical hunger is not nearly as important as my spiritual hunger- and yet I am much more in tune with it… Hmmmm.

Weathering Weather

Recently it has seemed like so much has been going “wrong” in the lives my family and friends- and all over… from natural disasters, to manmade disasters, to accidents, and on and on.  One benefit is that my prayer time has greatly increased…  I wish it would do that without things having to seem bad however.  It also reminded me of a really cool image of faith God had shown me a month ago having to do with weather.

I think it is so cool when you fly in a plane that no matter what is going on beneath the clouds, as soon as you get above them, it is an absolutely gorgeous day.  From the ground it may be a breezy, crisp clear day or a horrendous thundering-torrential downpour-blizzarding mess- but regardless of what weather system is between us and the sun, above all the clouds is a beautiful sunny day.  I saw this as a blaring reminder of faith- especially in these verses from 2 Corinithians:

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

A lot of times it is really easy to focus on what we can see right in front of us- clouds and storms and rain.  They are temporary but can seem like the “end all be all” of things in the moment when you are soaking wet, uncomfortable, without power and hot.  However- we are called to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is UNSEEN… and it is such a great reminder that even when I cannot see the sun and the beautiful day- it is up there.  Just like when things come into my life that make the skies grey and stormy- my sun is still there.  I am fixing my eyes on the sun because the things that float across are temporary, but He is eternal.  It is a beautiful reminder to me in the midst of things- that they will pass and to remember the peace and calm that is lying just above- to fix my eyes above- and it will lead me through my momentary problems. 

Forget-me-not

I don’t know if it has been obvious, but I have become quite the Old Testament fan lately…  this is a pretty sizeable chunk- but is really what has been on my heart these past few days:

“When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.”

-Deuteronomy 8:10-18

I have just been coming out of that time of wilderness and unknowing where God really did sustain me and grow me closer to Him.  He has now opened up doors and blessed me with steady employment and with that more direction to plug in and go places.  This truly has been an answer to prayer in many ways, however with things starting to click and fit together I am reminded of the above passage.  I know my tendencies and the tendencies of so many- it is almost easier to rely on God in the difficult and hard moments when we don’t know and don’t have control, however when things are going well it is really easy to focus on ourselves and what is going on instead of God.  In this time of great blessing I do not want to turn my face away from the giver- I do not want to forget God and become comfortable in these blessings, eventually shifting the focus and praise to myself.

I feel like it is so backwards because in times of blessing is when I should be most focused on praising and worshipping him- and historically that is not the case.  I become a creature of habit instead of worship- and of complacency instead of continuing to seek. 

What a mother...

I heard this story on the radio today in lieu of Mother’s Day I am presuming (as a heads up, it totally made me start crying).  It is about a Korean man and his mother, written from the perspective of the man:

“My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’

My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!’

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see… when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.’

It absolutely breaks my heart how awfully the son treated his mother because of her “deformity” which was really her sacrifice so that he would be able to have a normal life.  She loved him so much that she gave up her life that he could have a normal one.  He didn’t know that until it was too late because he never even gave her the chance of a relationship. 

I realized how much Jesus is like that mother who allowed himself to be physically marred and killed for our sake that we would be able to live a “normal” life with God.  A life close to the father, free from our sin because of his sacrifice.  It breaks my heart knowing how many people are alive today who would slam the door on Jesus’ face, just like the son did, because they don’t understand nor even bother trying to understand.  All they see is the ugliness and want nothing to do with it, little realizing that they are staring at their own ugliness taken on by Christ that they would be clean.  If they truly understood what they were looking at they would be so incredibly humbled.

And even more humbling is the mother’s attitude and beautiful picture of love.  First she gave up her own eye that her son could have a normal life.  Not only was she ridiculed by the town members, but also by the very son she made this sacrifice for.  Never once does she wield that sacrifice over her son because she did it out of love and not for a reward.  Her act of love was not done based on how the recipient would respond, but based on her love for him.  I cannot imagine how terrible that pain would feel- that rejection, loneliness, and abandon.  But she took it on so that he wouldn’t have that burden.  That is absolutely beautiful and an amazing picture of Christ’s love for us.