Calluses and Dirty Glasses

Kind of gross right?  But what I recently realized while praying through some things about my heart, my insecurities, and my potential relationships is that I have been living with calluses and dirty lenses.  Instead of being soft and open-hearted, I have built up calluses in those places where I have been hurt.  Instead of seeing myself the way God sees me and in my identity as his daughter and his creation, I have allowed my judgments, and others' words and views to cloud the lenses I am looking through.

In times and situations where I have been vulnerable and it has seemingly backfired or been painful, instead of allowing God to heal me, I developed a callus.  A callus is defined as "hard, thickened areas of skin that form as a consequence of rubbing, friction or pressure on the skin" and that is exactly what I have.  I have thickened areas on my heart that I hope will protect me from that pain, when in reality they are keeping me from any real and meaningful love instead.  What I realized and prayed is that God would be the pumice stone that helps sand down the rough areas I have built- not to hurt me, but so that I can be open again.  It is a pumice stone that looks a lot like forgiveness, but one that I really cannot do on my own. I need His provision and strength.  

I also have worn glasses for a long time- and it is so annoying when something gets on your lenses and distorts your vision.  The odd caveat is that sometimes things build up on there that you don't even notice, ever so slightly, until overtime they are changing your view.  When you finally wipe them clean it is amazing how clearly you can once again see!  Well I realized this has also happened in my my life.  Ever so slightly, I have let the views others have of me land on my life glasses.  Instead of realizing it and seeking God to help get my view right and truly clean my lenses, I kind of wiped away at it but instead smeared it thinly all over.  So overtime these things have built up and shaped how I am seeing myself and others.  I need God's lens cleaner and wipes to actually clean the lenses that I have just smeared into a mess.  This is a lens cleaner that looks a lot like repentance and seeking reassurance and true identity through His truth and words.  I need His help to truly clean off a mess that I could only smear around.  

So I share this as encouragement and a challenge- are you building up thicker skin thinking you are dealing with the pain or are you allowing God to work in your heart through forgiveness?  Are you just smearing the hard things around on your lenses to think you're dealing with them or are you wrestling with the things landing on your lenses, repenting of the ones you've let shape your view and seeking His help to clean them off and guide you back to a clear view?