Merry Christmas Eve! always ...

A weird thing has happened recently (being the last two years)... I have become very sentimental on Christmas Eve. For tradition... for the current 'usual', but also for the 'old' usual. For what I did growing up and where I lived. For those individuals lost and the abandoned traditions that will no longer continue to. For the roots I have, and that my family has. I have this strange pulling between joy for the coming, and mourning for the past. 

Maybe I am in a self-induced Ebenezer Scrooge situation? Reflecting on the past while being in the present, and wanting the future to be full of love and hope. Regardless, it is weird how a day you love and that is full of joyful anticipation is simultaneously reminding you of what is and what has been lost... That which is no more ... it's a space that I squirm in and usually run from. 

It hit me as I sang a favorite Christmas song to myself- "Old City Bar" by Trans Siberian Orchestra. The whole thing is a moving story and allegory of life. The lyric that has stuck with me today is this, 

"The child said "I've noticed

If one could be home,
They'd be already there"

If I could control being home in all the things I reflect on holding dear, I'd already be there. But what is true is that every day is Christmas Eve. Every day is wrought with the tension between what is, what has been lost, and what is to come and restore it all. Everyday we are awaiting the arrival again of Jesus. The restoration of home. I think that is the tension I feel most strongly every 'real' Christmas Eve. The tension between what is, has been, and what is to come. The longing for the permanent, unchanging, hope and joy-filled home my heart longs for. So until the time heaven and out permanent home is restored, we keep living out a Christmas Eve. 

Merry Christmas Eve until he returns to you all!

Advent Musing: Peace

Colossians 1:16 "For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him."

This verse just called out, "peace", to me. It seems everything can be charged and risky when talking about politics and ideas about leaders these days... I've sat by listening to  discussions about political agendas in coffee shops. With how intricate and calculated people have made plans to gain power, it can cause anxiety that what is right will not be upheld or represented, just what has the best planner. 

This verse made me breath a sigh of relief because all the powers and authority were not only created by him, but for him. God with the greater goal of reconciliation and redemption is behind it all. Not a sinful and limited in perspective human. Ah, sigh. Peace in the midst.

Forest Church

I was hiking through the woods today. It's that time of year when all the leaves have fallen and are coating the ground. It makes the views great because you can see so far without the summer leafy vegetation.  It's also great because it's not hot! 

I love having seasons and seeing the changes that come with each one. They're unique and show a different truth about God. 

Seeing the leaves on the ground and the fallen seeds reminded me of the generational journey of the church. The things that were the fruit and glory of those before us are beautiful. We enjoy them in their prime like summer, they're beautiful as they turn to fall and begin to drop the seeds. The leaves fall and coat the ground, becoming the compost and rich soil for the future growth that is to come. It happens year after year as the forest is like the church, with different generations all living together in community. They drop the seeds that grow and become the future forest and future church.

I love how physical reality points to rich spiritual truths, revealing God in each and every little thing. 

Live your Mission Statement (Philippians)

We are starting a study of Philippians at church. I am excited because I love better understanding the context and history associated with the Bible. However, I really don't enjoy personally reading that stuff on my own, I like being taught and having the ability to ask questions and have dialogue. I love how God reveals truths as we study and dig deeper into His word. And in full disclosure, I am a little annoyed at myself with how prideful or judgmental I can be, reminding myself that knowledge puffs up and love builds up. I am praying that God would help me remain humble in the things he reveals to me and share them with a heart of love and not to elevate myself. 
Paul wrote his letter to the Philippians while he was in prison, unsure whether he was going to be executed or not. It is crazy how our perspective shifts to the things that are truly important to impart when our life is on the line. We break out of the day-to-day routine, even if it is in ministry, and see with a perspective we often don't take the time to reach. Paul pours out his heart for the gospel and encouraging the Philippians to live as Christ lived, a letter which encourages us to this day. 
We looked at Acts 16:10-30, a time where Paul was imprisoned for freeing the female slave of the evil spirit residing in her because her owners would now not make as much money off of her. Then in prison, Paul is found singing hymns to God and saving the guards life when the earthquake happens and everyone remains in their cells. This guard accepts Christ and is freed from death. Lastly, we looked at Acts 28:10-31, where once again Paul is imprisoned. Yet, he is always himself, he invites people and groups to himself and preaches to them from prison. 

I look at him, and these three times he was imprisoned and am so imprinted by the way he was on point with his mission regardless of his external circumstances. He knew his purpose and his mission; no matter how his circumstances changed, free or imprisoned, he stayed the same. He encouraged the Philippians through letter inside the prison walls and had he been outside, he would have done the exact same. He freed the female slave outside the prison walls, and from within the prison walls he saved the prison guard. He preached to the people of Rome when he was a free man, and did the same as a man imprisoned.

I want to know my mission and purpose as solidly as Paul does. I want to be unphased by the external circumstances and continue to be on point without moping for myself or trying to elicit sympathy from others. I want to be confident and bold because fear and having a certain external appearance no longer directs my path. I am so grateful that as I get older, I better understand Philippians 1:6, " And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." I am aware it is a journey with a target I am ever approaching but never reaching until completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  

Reminder to self:

It is not about me, I am just a pawn.

Ephesians 6:12.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

When people do things that I make way more personal than they were even intended .. they were typically acting in their own hurts and hang-ups, not personally against me. Satan just wants to use me as a pawn in those times to take me out of being a vessel for God to being a defender of my own flesh. And even if it was intentional, it's still a greater spiritual battle.

Spring time!

It is ALMOST spring time!  By the calendar it is technically here, but the weather just has not quite caught up. The weather is at that awkward point where it is "warm" but cold all in the same day. Not quite warm enough for short sleeves, but a little too warm for long-sleeves. Plus Easter is coming, the smell of flowers is starting to fill the air, the cool weather crop seeds are planted.

I love seeing the bulbs in bloom! The snow drops have bloomed, the crocuses (which I miss because the rabbits eat mine) have blossomed, the hyacinth and daffodils are in full color! The tulips are starting to come up and the peonies (not bulbs but smell so pretty) are just surfacing. I love it!  The colors, the smells, the animals, and the resolved mystery of seeing where all the new bulbs I blindly planted in the fall are appearing in relation to the ones that have been there but I have not seen since last spring. I love adding new bulbs every year thinking how exciting it will be to see them the next spring. 

Today I was so awestruck with God's wisdom and plan in the seasons and the plants. How it is a beautiful picture of our lives; the garden through the seasons is just like our life through the years. There are certain plants that come back in the same spot in the same season every year. Perennials.  The way we we have certain values and virtues that are in us all the time. They are just part of who we are whether we trained them to be there or not. They keep coming back. They may need to be replanted at some point but they usually come back every year.

There are others that need to be replanted if we want to see any fruit each year. Annuals. That happens for some pretty flowers and in the vegetable garden. There is a chance they could have seeded themselves last year, but if I want to make sure I have those things, I need to be proactively planting them each year. Whether I save seeds from last year, get some from a neighbor, or buy them new doesn't matter. If I want that fruit this year, I need to make it happen. It is like we do to get the 'character seeds' planted in our lives; maybe it is how we have done it before, maybe it is with the help of a brother or sister, or maybe it is starting fresh.

It is so cool to see how the garden changes year after year, with the perennials that are always there and the annuals and vegetables that change year after year. Like our lives, the garden shows how our underlying character and relationship with God meets with the different things we need in each season. For a relationship, or a difficult time at work, etc.

I love how he teaches us about how to live, we just need to look around! Thanks Spring!

"The limit doesn't exist!"

Wow, I have been out of the blog game for awhile!!!  The thoughts have still been coming, I have just done a poor job sitting down and typing them out to share with you all.  It is a good thing though- last year was a year of "uprooting" and clearing out things in my life to make room for ways I think God wants to grow me. Planting some seeds, getting involved in some new groups, seeing some new community growing. It was hard but exciting- I am a future-oriented person, so it is exciting to have things to be excited about.  But here we go...


So I am a little bit of a math nerd- engineer by trade but I love my math. There is a chance a some of you never learned about integrals and derivatives, sums and all that fun Calculus stuff, but you may better relate to Mean Girls. When Cadie, the main character, is punished and has to join the "Mathletes" and the answer is something about how the limit does not exist because it approaches infinity. That is kind of what we are going with here.

The thought is based on how "man is made in God's image". I think we can keep that very closely focussed on how the literal human being is made, male and female, to reflect God's characteristics.  I believe this is true and beautiful. This should not be overlooked- he is not defined by a gender or role as we perceive it, yet males and females do reflect characteristics of who He is.

What I was thinking about was the vastness of this truth. That man is made in God's image, but it is so much larger than that. Not just humanity in general, but each and every individual who has ever and will ever exist. That they are all made in God's image. We are all similar in a lot of ways, but also uniquely different in so many- our combination of passions, thoughts, personality, character traits, etc. My thought is that God is more than just the general, He is also the sum of all those unique individual things.

So here comes the math...as the people who exist go from one to approaching infinity, I think the sum of all those people 's unique traits combined approach the wholeness of who God is.  Yet God is God, so we never can really reach him, just get close. The limit does not exist! It takes all the billions of humans to ever exist to approach the fullness of God. And to me, that is a really cool thought. It is not just the general things of humanity, but also all the unique characteristics of each individual through all of time as we know it who reflect God. That is why it is so important that we love our brothers and sisters because they each reflect a part of who God is to the world that is unique to literally just them. It is beautiful!