2020.

As I spend this last day of 2020 reflecting, these are some words I would say defined it:

Nature

Outside

Pandemic

Prayer

Water

Slow down

Invest

Hiking boot

Bike

Filter

Friends

Death

Refine

Dunkin

Monarch Butterfly

Eat local

Physical Distance

Mask

Mute

Intentional

Love

Learn

Release

Confidence

Home

Alone

Beautiful

Cry

Squirrel

Community

Heartbreak

Lament

Simplify

Future

Provision

Abundance

Sparkle

Control

Merry Christmas

With everything that has happened in 2020, it is the year I feel most drawn to the gift that is Jesus' arrival. It has felt like a year long advent, remaining in hope through loss and brokenness for Jesus' arrival. I have spent Christmas morning listening to the song 'Arrival' by Hillsong on repeat. 

It's a year I care very little about the gifts I am giving or receiving, but about the deeper longing of a hurting heart that aches for the sorrow and brokenness surrounding it. It's been a year of seeing so much loss and so much selfish human depravity in the face of being given opportunities to love and serve neighbors. A year of seeing people argue over so many things. And it makes me even more aware of the perfection of the gift that was given to humanity on Christmas that we certainly did not deserve. The more broken I see our world is, the crazier it is for the God of the universe to send his most precious possession into, knowing our hearts and what would happen. I would not want to send my beloved child into this hot mess.

But the darker our world seems, the brighter the light and hope of Jesus shines. It's been a year where humanity looks terrible but it's also been a year where we have been able to see the kindness and generosity of others even more brightly. 

Merry Christmas!

"Oh come now hail His arrival

The God of creation

Royalty robed in the flesh He created

Jesus the maker has made Himself known

All hail the infinite infant God

The One who had no start and knows no end

Became confined in time and tense

The Everlasting God

The Great I Am

In the mercy of a mother's hands"

Bethlehem Star

I was able to see the alignment of Saturn and Jupiter yesterday forming the "Bethlehem star"! It was best on Monday, but it was cloudy here unfortunately. So yesterday they were slightly separated but I could still see them low in the sky. Mind you, this wasn't the original Bethlehem star. That had a couple other astrological alignments as well when Jesus was born.

I just imagine the magi who saw that and knew what it meant. People who knew before news, before texting, before apps that tell you what stars in the sky are... God reached them in their language, the night sky. He spoke to people who knew the significance of that specific alignment and did not need any additional confirmation in order to pack up exorbitant gifts and set out on a journey to find the king it signified. To people who found and worshipped the child when they arrived. To people who only needed confirmation from a dream to once again change their plans. 

They were looking. They were ready and willing to go. They were willing to change course and trust, based on the stars, a dream, and God. Meanwhile I need like eight forms of research confirmation just to buy a tv. What trust, what faith. 

It blows my mind that when God created everything, he set the rotation of planets and stars, he set the tilt of the Earth, of so much I don't understand to come together at a specific time to speak a message to a specific people. What an orchestra- each part coming together perfectly for the beautifully unfolding masterpiece. 

How amazing to have a God that set things into motion thousands of years ago to speak to one person at a specific time and place. How loved and seen that makes me feel. 

Squirrel Scarcity Mindset

Lately I have had a love-hate relationship with my beloved backyard squirrels. It's really all one-sided, they have no idea what's going on. I think they are hilarious. They have made me laugh so many times. They also drive me crazy because they just don't understand our agreement.  The squirrels can have the food that falls on the ground, but the suet feeder and bird feeder are for the birds. 

This results in a ritual they seem to think is a game, but I am quite serious about. I knock on the window, they hear me but ignore the threat, I then have to go outside, they look at me unphased and keep eating, I have to run to chase them away, they half- climb a tree and see if I'll get any closer. The game goes a few different directions from there depending on how many times I've already chased them that day. Yes, I've put grease on the pole, I've sprayed it with coconut oil, I've tried. One squirrel even showed such disrespect as to lick the grease off! 

But I also love them. I've given them some different ground food items and it is the greatest social experiment. It has taught me so much about myself as I watch these little guys chase away one another from their food haul. As if they did anything besides show up and find free food... Absurd. I put two whole apples that had started going bad out there the other day. Seeing them climbing around with this huge thing in their mouth so they don't have to share was a delight. I also accidentally richoted a piece of bread right into ones face. Squirrel was temporarily stunned but then intent on carrying a piece of bread the size of it's body to wherever it could. 

But man oh man, watching them chase the others away from their free ground seed... My word.  Conviction. I feel like I'm so much like those little guys. "Hey, this is mine, back off!" I did nothing to deserve it and where it comes from is a God who would continue to provide and pour out even more. But instead of sharing, I just hoard and chase away with a scarcity mindset. 

A squirrel scarcity mindset instead of an abundant God mindset. I sit here knowing I have more seed to feed, but they cannot possibly risk sharing. And I know God is the same. If I pour out and give, he will pour back in even more adundantly. 

(squirrel with entire apple for your viewing pleasure)

Festival of Lights

Tonight is the start of Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights. The festival celebrates the rededication of the second temple in Jerusalem from before the time of Jesus' birth. I love that it occurs during the season of advent, where we are in a time of 'darkness' as we remember the people waiting for the arrival of Jesus the first time, and as we wait for his return now. In a year that has felt so dark, I have been noticing areas and things that bring light. I also love that the festival occurs in early December when we are approaching the longest day of darkness here in the northern hemisphere. 

What the light has shown me this year is what Jesus taught- the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it. What is true is that it can be really dark, like in Mammoth cave turn out the lights pitch blackness, but the smallest amount of light can change that. Our eyes adjust to the amount of light, not the amount of dark. Darkness is not its own thing, it is simply the absence of light. And the darker it is, the brighter the light appears. 

The darkness does not overcome the light, the only way to make a place dark is remove light. In John 8:12 Jesus says, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” As we await Christmas and the celebration of Jesus' first arrival as a human to earth, let us not forget to follow him and have the light we need in these dark times. I am grateful for the earthly understanding of light so that we can understand the spiritual realm of light and darkness. The festival of lights being celebrated now is leading up to the coming of the true light of the world. 

#Advent #FestivalOfLights

What the flip?

 Matthew 21:12-13 "Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’”

These money changers and salesmen were taking advantage of the law and his people to line their own pockets. When the travelers arrived, they had to change their money for temple coins. In the exchange the money changers would steal from them. By law they had to offer sacrifices, and because many travelled long distances they would buy them at the temple. They would use the temple coins to purchase their sacrifices, which they would also overcharge the people for. They were robbing his people in God's temple as they were obeying the law. 

Jesus was angry but did not sin in his anger. I want to learn from him, because I am angry. What does it look like to have just anger and not let your flesh have control? Breathing? Calming down? I don't want to be a slave to my emotions and my flesh, responding how I feel. I want to respond how I should fully trusting God and his promises. 

In order to drive legally we all have to have insurance. But dealing with insurance companies has been a nightmare for me. When you were hit by their client and they try to avoid blame in order to line their pockets makes my blood boil. Or when the person at fault tries to avoid blame for their wrong-doing, so much frustration. What the flip-those-tables? To no extent like the righteous anger Jesus felt, but still I find myself crying out for truth and justice to prevail. For the wicked who rob to be thwarted. For those who do wrong to accept fault for what they have done. 

I am sorry for all the people out there who have been screwed over. I am sorry for the feelings of anxiety it brings up in you knowing you have to deal with certain companies when new incidents arise. It encourages me that Jesus was mad at this injustice and says he will make all things right in the end.