Seasons and Fall Leaves

The concept of seasons has been on my mind recently and how God speaks to us through the created seasons to spiritual seasons and truths in our lives.

I have swept up the floor in my kitchen three days in a row this week. They were really cleaned and washed Thursday and had leaf bits and pine needles due to fall all over the following three days. It's kind of annoying in this season. 

But just last season I was so so grateful for the very same trees now dirtying my floor that gave me cooler temperatures and shade in the heat of summer.  The leaves brought beautiful shade. They're also really pretty with the fall color. 

I know when summer comes around again I would much rather have them there than not deal with a few weeks of extra cleanup. 

I was thinking spiritually how that is so true- something we love and enjoyed in one season becomes an annoyance in the now. I think it's just part of the cycle, it will come around again and be back as something we are grateful for, can celebrate and learn from if creation teaches me anything.

It's a reminder not to make huge decisions regarding a temporary annoyance and Rob ourselves of future blessings from that same thing. 

Coin Collector

I love collecting things. I have a problem. I saw a post on Pinterest about coins that are really valuable online the other day, and this thought has been taking over ...

What makes the coins shown so valuable is that they are different. They don't look like all the other ones. That sets them apart. Unique... Different... It gives them more value.

I'm so guilty of wanting to blend in- to mute or soften or cover up the things that make me different and unique in order to be the same as everyone else. 

The coin post has become a reminder to me to love how God has made each of us differently to stand out. Even when it seems like what people would call a "flaw", it brings value and glory to him. 

Instead of muting my enthusiasm or joy, let me use them. They are of value. 

Sabbath Compost

My word for 2023 is (drum rollllllll)...

garden! I am here for it. I love it. Usually I am excited about my word except when the word is patience, then I was less enthused. Regardless, garden is on my mind for the year. God is the ultimate gardener. There is SOOO much that goes into having a good garden. Planting, weeding, pruning, watering, weeding some more, the weather, dealing with pests, nutrient levels, seed saving, and even more weeds that always need to be dealt with. 

I've also been really trying to incorporate sabbath and rest into my life. God set up a plan for us to have weekly sabbath, and for us and the land to have a yearly sabbath every seven years. There's something to be said about the fact that we are not machines nor are the rest of God's creation. We and it were not made to keep going and going and going without a break. Thank you Lord!

When we do try to keep going, we deplete ourselves. We, like the plants, are sucking and using up the available nutrients until they run out and can no longer support the life we are trying to maintain.  

Sabbath is like compost. It is like mixing in fresh new life and nutrients to the areas that have been depleted. It isn't an instant fix, but as compost continues to be mixed in and continues breaking down more nutrients become available. It's about balancing the mix of work and rest because both are necessary to keeping going and thriving. You can't have too much compost either or that will cause problems as well. 

Part of being stewards of our bodies and creation is taking care of them for the long run. We want the land to continue to produce and be healthy long after we are gone; not to use it and move on when we have gotten our fill. 

The cool thing is that I've seen the small sabbath Compost investments in my life add up over time to make bigger and healthier changes. I see myself becoming more patient. More compassionate and empathetic. Less selfish. I'm still very selfish mind you, just some baby steps happening. 

Give it a try! Mix those nutrients back into your spirit. 

The Perfection Monster

Efficiency and perfection is an idol, a lesser god, of our time. And I am unfortunately a pretty big worshipper I have realized... 

The other day I was doing a paint job for my parents. I get a little obsessive about having the crisp lines and even coverage. ...And then my dad wanted to help. 

I love my dad. He is witty, funny, and delightful, and he loves to help others. But he is not a handyman. He is the best gopher! The one you send out to 'go for' things. Pick up lunch... Get the paint shaken... Etc. A good gopher can be a great help during projects. Once he was so sweet and tried to help paint at my house. He immediately spilled the gallon of paint all over the floor accidentally. Naturally my first reaction to his volunteering to help included some inward cringing. 

My desire for perfection was tortured with the slow waterboarding of drips and splatters on the floor and wall as he did the cutting in. As the perfection monster in me wanted to cry out and scare the mess away, I realized that wasn't what to really wanted. What I wanted was instead for that monster die! 

To send someone away because 'I could do it better' just left me doing the task alone and for a longer period of time. It was much more enjoyable with company, and  relationship is God's goal of our life- not striving for perfection.

If God wanted everything perfect, he would bypass us. To use us for his plan, to let us partake in the gift of his creation is to choose messy relationship over calculated perfection.  And that isn't hard for him, he delights in us enjoying that adventure with him. 

I want to be more like God. I hope I choose messy relationship over the gods of efficiency, perfection, and appearances. I was able to go over some of the messy areas afterwards and now we are both proud of that room. I can look on it with fond memories instead of selfish pride or picking apart mistakes. 

I'm glad God lets me be messy but get better alongside him with patience and love.  

Lessons from a Pup- toy vs toy giver

Sweet Ellie pup is such a good teacher about my own shortcomings. The other day I let her out and instead of running to me, she ran right to a toy she wanted to play with. 

It was a reminder of how I do the same thing with God. I often run to the created thing for the momentary happiness instead of the creator. Instead of to the giver of the gift, the one who can make more, I pick the limited created thing.

I am grateful that the Holy Spirit teaches us lessons in all things and how Ellie shows me a picture of myself sometimes. 

Loving Father

I enjoy people watching... most of the time. It is fascinating what you can learn from even just the observed interactions of those around you. 

I was seated outside eating breakfast the other day. The tables were along a somewhat busy road and there were lots of customers coming and going. There were some cringe moments, some joyful moments, some sweet moments... the full Gambit.

One of the sweet moments was seeing a father with his two little kids picking up breakfast. As they were leaving to cross the street, he did the classic 'everyone holds hands' move. The little girl clearly was still learning this move as she was not fully cooperating. 

This incredibly normal moment struck me as so beautiful. It revealed the way God loves me, like that father and daughter. The father wanted to hold her hand and wait for the best time to lead her to cross because He knew the danger. She had  no idea danger even existed. That sweet girl had no idea how hurt she could be nor could she get herself where she needed to go without his help.

We can sometimes see the dangers more clearly now given time, maturity, and experience but we still don't see it all. Why then is it still so hard to put my hand in God's and trust him to be my loving father? To let him lead me? To believe he is leading me the best way to my best? Why do I still want to choose my own path? Goodness sometimes I am that same little girl. I need his help and guidance. Oh that I would trust him more to be the loving father that wants to give me and lead me to good things. 

those that go before

Thank you to all those who have gone before and helped make the way a little clearer, safer, and supported for us. 

I was running on a trail I have run hundreds of times. Lots of people walk, bike, and jog here year-round. But fall is such a fun time to be on the trail because the colors are lovely, the leaves are falling, and the distinct autumn smell is in the air. I like to use my time on this trail surrounded by nature to pray and help refocus myself on God. I had just prayed for God's spirit to be present here- for people on this trail to experience him whether they know him or not. 

Ahead of myself I saw two ladies who had stopped their walk and were looking at something on the trail. As I approached from one direction, a father and son who had been fishing approached from the other. The women stopped us with the palm up stopping hand motion. They had retreived a stick . What the women were trying to do was protect either us from the snake or the snake from us. Probably both. 

It was all coiled up and aggressive. It wasn't very big but it blended in well with the leaves and was irritated (possibly had been passed too closely by a biker?). I looked at the dark snake and markings and am thinking it was a copperhead which is venomous. 

The man volunteered to move it with the stick but it lunged at him and it was clear a longer stick was going to be needed. We found one and he was able to safely get the snake off the trail. 

The presence of this snake on the trail right after that prayer, and right in my running path really struck me. I was so grateful for those ladies who went before me and saw this potential threat. I was very grateful that they didn't just go around and leave the problem for someone else. That someone would have been me, running in prime striking distance to this well blended angry snake. 

Without those that go ahead of us and help clear the way, those who come behind could get very hurt. The importance of people who go before us and help guide and protect us is critical to our journeys. 

So I reflected on how grateful I am for mentors, parents, entrepreneurs, teachers, coworkers, and my family through the ages. These people prepared a way ahead of me, making a path, clearing it of danger (or at least pointing it out), and encouraging me to keep going hopefully even further than they did. Not for my own glory, but so I can keep the process going and help prepare the way for those who come after me. 

Pruning

Pruning hurts! I know it is a for a greater thing, for something better and more fruitful. But there is a difference in knowing and experiencing the pain of pruning. I think you know it is pruning because of that pain. 

It hurts because what is being pruned is still living. It is way easier to have something dead and that I no longer care about cut back. That seems far less painful. But there also was no potential for fruit there either. And if there is no fruit, then there are no seeds and no potential to multiply. And God is in the business of seeing us produce fruit for His glory. 

John 15:2

'Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit."

So I am trying to feel and embrace that pain as he prunes. It means there was something living there, that may have been good, but I serve a God who is for my best and his greatest glory. Let us grieve the loss well while looking forward with the hope for what is to grow from pruning. 

Seeds

Seeds are crazy little things. It blows my mind how the tiniest of acorns can grow into a mighty tree. All you have to do is drop into good soil, add water, and wait.

There is so much information and potential contained in this little package. 

There are so many lessons to be learned from seeds- Jesus taught many. Lately I've been caught up with the idea of how we "plant" seeds.  As we share truths about God and the gospel we are planting seeds. Heck, even when we tell ourselves lies we plant seeds. Everything is a seed, just not everything grows. What are you watering? What are you putting more focus and energy into?

When you plan seeds as in for a garden, you put a few in the hole and thin them out later. The glory isn't to what specific seed grew but to the "fruit" and harvest that will be produced. It's not about the glory of the seed itself or the planter but about the glory of the harvest. 

Jesus teaches all these things, Paul reinforces them, and I'm just amazed at how much they have to teach me. 

Why did God make mosquitoes?!

This is one of the top questions my dad says he is going to ask God one day... along with "who actually shot JFK?" and some others, ha. I know God has purpose and intent behind everything He did. He had purpose and design for his creation as He created it.  BUT what blows my mind is He even had purpose and design to how it would still work after the fall. 

I do not know what the initial purpose of the mosquito was... maybe some kind of pollination? Who knows...What I do know now though is it is summer and they are coming out to disturb my front porch sitting and outdoor yard hangouts. The bites are obnoxious and itchy. I am grateful we are in a place where we do not have to fear the diseases they could be transmitting on top of the annoyance. But still... they are pesky little things.

Some pieces I started to put together are:

• there was no sacrifice of blood until after the fall
• mosquitos suck blood
• blood usually symbolizes life
• here where we have four defined seasons, mosquitoes are mainly out in summer
• summer is a season typically of growth into harvest.

Now what I think when I see mosquitos I will remember this. Part of God's design in using them is as a reminder there are forces out there trying to steal our lifeblood in the midst of times of growth. May the slapping of a bug off my arm or leg be a reminder that there are literal forces out there trying to steal, kill, destroy, and rob me of the growth and life God has given me. And may the itchiness of a bite be a constant reminder of my need for the gospel and Christs' sacrifice because my lifeblood is not enough.

Ephesians 6:12- For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Thoughts about heading back to the office....

Day one after 15 months of working from home. Phew!  Working in person is exhausting! Real talk, I felt like I had already put in at least half a day by the time I arrived. And that was simply between getting everything done I needed to before leaving (trash cans, watering the plants, not hitting the snooze button, morning prayer walk and reading my passages for the day), dealing with the crazy drivers and traffic driving to work, and cleaning up the yogurt juice that spilled on my mat driving in. I was ready for a nap at 10:30 am.

I am so lucky and grateful that I even had the opportunity to have the luxury and precaution of working form home during the pandemic. Thanks to a great IT department , supportive company, and being able to even afford internet/etc. I am so glad my family stayed safe during all this time. It is an absolute blessing and privilege that we were able to get vaccinated as people in other countries are having new waves of COVID. I have been thanking God for all those things that were answers to prayers early on.

But it was also such a unique opportunity I am grateful to have had learning about and growing in myself. It felt like every three months there were huge changes and shifts. God was so kind to help hit the "reset" button for me. He introduced me to people and groups at the exact right moment. God used them to call out things in me that I had forgotten were there... things I had let gather dust because they were not appreciated where I was. Things I am good at and actually enjoy. God used them to grow me towards a deeper awareness of my understanding of me, my feelings and emotions. God helped point me back to Him in it all with the reminder that he designed me on purpose with specific gifts and to seek him, not the "American dream" as my guide map for how to use them. They are for His glory, not mine. He has done sooo much work in this time, I am both amazed but see how much I still have to grow. 

I think I have learned I thrive working from home. I guess that is a thing? It isn't that I don't like seeing people. I am just way better at keeping myself focused and disciplined on work on my own and developing a healthy balance between work and life as a result. People around me are always going to be distractions- I want to listen to what they are saying... maybe join in... figure out what to join in on and what not to...  I built a little community here that I loved. A routine that I loved. On day one I already miss Eddie the mailman... my Dunkin' girls... waving to neighbors on my lunch stroll... seeing out the window what family member is visiting my neighbor... 

There are good things no matter where I am. There are opportunities to glorify God. This is a new chance to develop rhythms and patterns that focus around his glory from the get go. I don't know where this is all going... but I just know it was a much bigger shift than I expected!  Here we go. 

Storms

Summer storms... Hot oppressive days that break with power and ferocity and aggression in the evenings. Lightning ripping through the sky, torrents of rain falling in a short period of time, rumbles of thunder. The smell of the steam rising off hot asphalt being cooled by the water. 

In our lives sometimes the same amount of energy builds up that requires a storm to bring release. I was walking through the neighborhood as a storm was rolling through and that hit me. I thank God for the times He allows those storms to happen and bring me back into equilibrium.

A few days later was a simple rainy day. Constant rain from morning until evening. Not intense but light.  It saturated the ground and  brought in cool days with it. I thank God for the times he brings these conditions as well.

I'm grateful he knows whether we need an intense storm to calm a situation. I'm grateful he knows when we need a slow driving range to soak and saturate our souls. I'm grateful for God he uses weather and nature that he created to point to himself.

Bird Songs

 I am listening to the birds chirping and singing outside my window. It is so peaceful, so lovely, so calming. But I also read in Romans 8:19-21 today that, "For the creation eagerly waits with anticipation for God's sons to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to futility- not willingly, because of him who subjected it- in the hope that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage to decay into the glorious freedom of God's children." The most beautiful scenes, sounds, and scents of nature as we know them are also not functioning fully as designed- but in futility. 

We cannot even imagine the revealed and restored heaven and earth... but I wonder if one day what we knew as beautiful 'bird songs' we will hear as a beautiful symphony of an organized beautiful song we could have never imagined. That the birds will raise their voices together in the most beautiful of songs. As they sang on earth it was all jumbled and the other birds could just not quite get the harmonies right... what we see in part we will be amazed by. Who knows.. but I love that idea...

Animal Names

 I've had lots of thoughts and not good follow through on putting them on paper... I was just watching a video of a rattlesnake and this thought hit me. Adam named allllll the animals in the garden right? Or was man just tasked with that. Because it would be very interesting to one day hear what he named all these animals that we gave other names because we discovered them way later. Or even all the animals that we never knew. 

My friend also blew my mind with the fact that animals recognize and respect the authority that God gave humanity in the created order. They don't look at us and judge if we seem safe or want to pet them. The birds fly away... they run... they fear us. When I forget my inherent worth and the power I have as a daughter of God, let me be reminded by how the animals see us. 

The Vaccine Gospel

 I was listening to a message this morning for church, and this thought struck me. Where we are with COVID and the vaccine is so much like the world's relationship with Jesus. 

We have been through the dark times shaped by fear, the unknown, anxiety, loss, and a lot of other feelings dealing with worry and darkness. That is like the time between the last prophesy and Jesus' arrival on the scene. 

Now we have entered into this phase where there is still darkness but we have a little light. There are some vaccines available and in limited supply being circulated. It is like Jesus when he lived on the earth, restoring freedom and hope from the darkness and fear of the virus to those he touched. But we are limited in that because of supply the same way Jesus was limited when he was here just as a man. At this phase we are so close to the greatest part of the story. When Jesus died, he promised he would be able to come back and be available for everyone through the gift of the Holy Spirit. Let us not lose hope and become less diligent when we are so close to the final freedom like the disciples after Jesus was crucified. 

Then the Holy Spirit came in terms of Jesus being with us all the time to free us from darkness and sin IF we just allow it. That is the stage we will be at soon and the stage the world has been at with Jesus since the very first Easter. We can choose whether to get the vaccine and live protected from the danger of the physical darkness and death caused by the virus in the same way we can choose whether to accept Jesus' life as a vaccine to the spiritual darkness and death.

A Shortcut to Mushrooms...

You know how there are things in this life you are pretty sure you would never do? And I'm not talking about the bad things like murder or rob a bank...just basic things that are outside your lane for the most part. And then one day there you are... you meet someone with an interesting hobby and you are entering a new lane, a new world. 

Well atleast that might happen if you try to leave a little space in your life and start the year off trying to focus on people over efficiency... And keep in mind that relationship is the goal, not a number of miles achieved or books read or some.other arbitrary self- imposed measure.

So that was me this year...  I ended up mushroom foraging the other day and it was so cool! There was a guy who was starting the trail at the same time as myself who is an amateur mycologist. He was kind enough to let me tag along and teach me. (Yes, I gave him the option to go ahead without me in case I was bothering him if you must know)  I love learning from people who are passionate about a topic, but not pushy. And this was his element. And there was alot of walking involved. 

He showed me so much about this fungus that's among us. And it is fascinating!! I was wowed by how God designed everything to fit together perfectly... The diversity in mushrooms for the breaking down of different trees in different stages of decay. Which then feed the creatures of the woods or simply look cool. I learned to identify spores versus gills... That a mushroom colony in Oregon is the largest known living organism, covering acres. Etc. Etc. 

And he even gave me an edible mushroom to try- an oyster mushroom. (Which yes, I cross checked with experts to make sure it was safe) Spoiler alert- it was delicious. 

So this year I hope you have some space in your life for fun and adventure and stepping out of your lane in some way. You learn alot, see a different side of God, and appreciate the diversity of interests we have as people. Shout out to the library for edible mushroom books that fuel the interest flame. 

Turkey tail mushrooms

Oyster mushroom

Don't know this one.... I went out looking on my own

Yum!

2020.

As I spend this last day of 2020 reflecting, these are some words I would say defined it:

Nature

Outside

Pandemic

Prayer

Water

Slow down

Invest

Hiking boot

Bike

Filter

Friends

Death

Refine

Dunkin

Monarch Butterfly

Eat local

Physical Distance

Mask

Mute

Intentional

Love

Learn

Release

Confidence

Home

Alone

Beautiful

Cry

Squirrel

Community

Heartbreak

Lament

Simplify

Future

Provision

Abundance

Sparkle

Control

Merry Christmas

With everything that has happened in 2020, it is the year I feel most drawn to the gift that is Jesus' arrival. It has felt like a year long advent, remaining in hope through loss and brokenness for Jesus' arrival. I have spent Christmas morning listening to the song 'Arrival' by Hillsong on repeat. 

It's a year I care very little about the gifts I am giving or receiving, but about the deeper longing of a hurting heart that aches for the sorrow and brokenness surrounding it. It's been a year of seeing so much loss and so much selfish human depravity in the face of being given opportunities to love and serve neighbors. A year of seeing people argue over so many things. And it makes me even more aware of the perfection of the gift that was given to humanity on Christmas that we certainly did not deserve. The more broken I see our world is, the crazier it is for the God of the universe to send his most precious possession into, knowing our hearts and what would happen. I would not want to send my beloved child into this hot mess.

But the darker our world seems, the brighter the light and hope of Jesus shines. It's been a year where humanity looks terrible but it's also been a year where we have been able to see the kindness and generosity of others even more brightly. 

Merry Christmas!

"Oh come now hail His arrival

The God of creation

Royalty robed in the flesh He created

Jesus the maker has made Himself known

All hail the infinite infant God

The One who had no start and knows no end

Became confined in time and tense

The Everlasting God

The Great I Am

In the mercy of a mother's hands"

Bethlehem Star

I was able to see the alignment of Saturn and Jupiter yesterday forming the "Bethlehem star"! It was best on Monday, but it was cloudy here unfortunately. So yesterday they were slightly separated but I could still see them low in the sky. Mind you, this wasn't the original Bethlehem star. That had a couple other astrological alignments as well when Jesus was born.

I just imagine the magi who saw that and knew what it meant. People who knew before news, before texting, before apps that tell you what stars in the sky are... God reached them in their language, the night sky. He spoke to people who knew the significance of that specific alignment and did not need any additional confirmation in order to pack up exorbitant gifts and set out on a journey to find the king it signified. To people who found and worshipped the child when they arrived. To people who only needed confirmation from a dream to once again change their plans. 

They were looking. They were ready and willing to go. They were willing to change course and trust, based on the stars, a dream, and God. Meanwhile I need like eight forms of research confirmation just to buy a tv. What trust, what faith. 

It blows my mind that when God created everything, he set the rotation of planets and stars, he set the tilt of the Earth, of so much I don't understand to come together at a specific time to speak a message to a specific people. What an orchestra- each part coming together perfectly for the beautifully unfolding masterpiece. 

How amazing to have a God that set things into motion thousands of years ago to speak to one person at a specific time and place. How loved and seen that makes me feel. 

Squirrel Scarcity Mindset

Lately I have had a love-hate relationship with my beloved backyard squirrels. It's really all one-sided, they have no idea what's going on. I think they are hilarious. They have made me laugh so many times. They also drive me crazy because they just don't understand our agreement.  The squirrels can have the food that falls on the ground, but the suet feeder and bird feeder are for the birds. 

This results in a ritual they seem to think is a game, but I am quite serious about. I knock on the window, they hear me but ignore the threat, I then have to go outside, they look at me unphased and keep eating, I have to run to chase them away, they half- climb a tree and see if I'll get any closer. The game goes a few different directions from there depending on how many times I've already chased them that day. Yes, I've put grease on the pole, I've sprayed it with coconut oil, I've tried. One squirrel even showed such disrespect as to lick the grease off! 

But I also love them. I've given them some different ground food items and it is the greatest social experiment. It has taught me so much about myself as I watch these little guys chase away one another from their food haul. As if they did anything besides show up and find free food... Absurd. I put two whole apples that had started going bad out there the other day. Seeing them climbing around with this huge thing in their mouth so they don't have to share was a delight. I also accidentally richoted a piece of bread right into ones face. Squirrel was temporarily stunned but then intent on carrying a piece of bread the size of it's body to wherever it could. 

But man oh man, watching them chase the others away from their free ground seed... My word.  Conviction. I feel like I'm so much like those little guys. "Hey, this is mine, back off!" I did nothing to deserve it and where it comes from is a God who would continue to provide and pour out even more. But instead of sharing, I just hoard and chase away with a scarcity mindset. 

A squirrel scarcity mindset instead of an abundant God mindset. I sit here knowing I have more seed to feed, but they cannot possibly risk sharing. And I know God is the same. If I pour out and give, he will pour back in even more adundantly. 

(squirrel with entire apple for your viewing pleasure)