The Hunger Pains

The other morning I fasted from food because I was becoming aware of my growing selfishness and desire to satisfy my own wants.  God helped make me aware of the correlating growth of my spiritual hunger as I fed my fleshly nature more and more, putting my wants above his desires for my life.  (I say this because there are different reasons to fast and specifically this was my reason for the day) It is so cool the way God can use even the hunger cycles of our body to point us to who He is and the different aspects of our relationship with him. 

Lunch really satisfied my physical hunger, it was delicious- and I for some reason found it very strange as the evening approached that I found myself hungry again.  It was nothing different from my normal “hunger cycle” but for some reason it struck me as strange that after feeling SO satisfied at lunch, my stomach wanted to be fed again.  Reflecting back on the day, starting with my morning fast it hit me how strange it is that it is perfectly normal to feel and respond to my physical hunger multiple times a day- but how far removed I am from the pangs of my spiritual hunger and knowing how often to feed them during the day.  Just giving them a “breakfast-quiet-time” will not sustain my hunger for the day the same way just eating a big breakfast won’t fulfill your spiritual hunger throughout the day.

Spiritual hunger… maybe it manifests itself in different ways than our physical hunger- shortness of temper, harsh words, selfish thoughts? I need to be growing in my knowledge of my spiritual self and life- feeding it all day long as I do my physical self, so that I can recognize those “pangs” consciously so I can be feeding my spirit as I do my body.   “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” –Ephesians 6:12  my physical hunger is not nearly as important as my spiritual hunger- and yet I am much more in tune with it… Hmmmm.

Weathering Weather

Recently it has seemed like so much has been going “wrong” in the lives my family and friends- and all over… from natural disasters, to manmade disasters, to accidents, and on and on.  One benefit is that my prayer time has greatly increased…  I wish it would do that without things having to seem bad however.  It also reminded me of a really cool image of faith God had shown me a month ago having to do with weather.

I think it is so cool when you fly in a plane that no matter what is going on beneath the clouds, as soon as you get above them, it is an absolutely gorgeous day.  From the ground it may be a breezy, crisp clear day or a horrendous thundering-torrential downpour-blizzarding mess- but regardless of what weather system is between us and the sun, above all the clouds is a beautiful sunny day.  I saw this as a blaring reminder of faith- especially in these verses from 2 Corinithians:

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

A lot of times it is really easy to focus on what we can see right in front of us- clouds and storms and rain.  They are temporary but can seem like the “end all be all” of things in the moment when you are soaking wet, uncomfortable, without power and hot.  However- we are called to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is UNSEEN… and it is such a great reminder that even when I cannot see the sun and the beautiful day- it is up there.  Just like when things come into my life that make the skies grey and stormy- my sun is still there.  I am fixing my eyes on the sun because the things that float across are temporary, but He is eternal.  It is a beautiful reminder to me in the midst of things- that they will pass and to remember the peace and calm that is lying just above- to fix my eyes above- and it will lead me through my momentary problems. 

Forget-me-not

I don’t know if it has been obvious, but I have become quite the Old Testament fan lately…  this is a pretty sizeable chunk- but is really what has been on my heart these past few days:

“When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.”

-Deuteronomy 8:10-18

I have just been coming out of that time of wilderness and unknowing where God really did sustain me and grow me closer to Him.  He has now opened up doors and blessed me with steady employment and with that more direction to plug in and go places.  This truly has been an answer to prayer in many ways, however with things starting to click and fit together I am reminded of the above passage.  I know my tendencies and the tendencies of so many- it is almost easier to rely on God in the difficult and hard moments when we don’t know and don’t have control, however when things are going well it is really easy to focus on ourselves and what is going on instead of God.  In this time of great blessing I do not want to turn my face away from the giver- I do not want to forget God and become comfortable in these blessings, eventually shifting the focus and praise to myself.

I feel like it is so backwards because in times of blessing is when I should be most focused on praising and worshipping him- and historically that is not the case.  I become a creature of habit instead of worship- and of complacency instead of continuing to seek. 

What a mother...

I heard this story on the radio today in lieu of Mother’s Day I am presuming (as a heads up, it totally made me start crying).  It is about a Korean man and his mother, written from the perspective of the man:

“My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’

My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!’

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see… when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.’

It absolutely breaks my heart how awfully the son treated his mother because of her “deformity” which was really her sacrifice so that he would be able to have a normal life.  She loved him so much that she gave up her life that he could have a normal one.  He didn’t know that until it was too late because he never even gave her the chance of a relationship. 

I realized how much Jesus is like that mother who allowed himself to be physically marred and killed for our sake that we would be able to live a “normal” life with God.  A life close to the father, free from our sin because of his sacrifice.  It breaks my heart knowing how many people are alive today who would slam the door on Jesus’ face, just like the son did, because they don’t understand nor even bother trying to understand.  All they see is the ugliness and want nothing to do with it, little realizing that they are staring at their own ugliness taken on by Christ that they would be clean.  If they truly understood what they were looking at they would be so incredibly humbled.

And even more humbling is the mother’s attitude and beautiful picture of love.  First she gave up her own eye that her son could have a normal life.  Not only was she ridiculed by the town members, but also by the very son she made this sacrifice for.  Never once does she wield that sacrifice over her son because she did it out of love and not for a reward.  Her act of love was not done based on how the recipient would respond, but based on her love for him.  I cannot imagine how terrible that pain would feel- that rejection, loneliness, and abandon.  But she took it on so that he wouldn’t have that burden.  That is absolutely beautiful and an amazing picture of Christ’s love for us.

...as numerous as the stars...

I love being outside- hearing the sounds of nature, water flowing, animals, all that fun stuff- but I especially love looking at the stars.  If I could sleep under the starts every night, I totally would. I am trying to figure out if I can rig up a hammock for the summer somewhere and potentially sleep there some nights.  Anyway...


As I was laying under the stars tonight in my backyard I was reminded of God's promise to Abraham in Genesis 26:4:


I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these  lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed.


Around my house there is a lot of light pollution and you really cannot see all that many stars.  You can see some- but I remember how amazed I was the first time I went out into the middle of nowhere and looked up.  All I could say was "Have those always been there?!  There are SO many!".  Imagine how many stars Abraham looked up and saw in the sky at a time where the most light pollution was a torch of candle... billions!  


The stars were uncountable and symbolized the blessing that Abraham received for his faith.  In the same sense as I looked up- I realized how God calls me to the same faith as Abraham- faith in Him.  He promises equally as numerous blessings, however with the other things that get in the way (i.e. light pollution literally) I am sometimes unable to see the fullness of his promises.  I let the busyness of life- whether work, study, trying to meet up with way more people/organizations/meetings than I have time for, appointments, etc- block out some of the blessings God wants me to see.  It is not that He doesn't want to bless me with them because the stars are still there-  I am just unaware because other things get in the way.


My prayer is to get rid of some of the light pollution in my life!

Daily Menu

John 4:32-36
" But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”
  Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?”
  “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.  Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.  Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. "


This has been standing out to me as I have been thinking on fasting and living in the spirit versus the flesh...


The only food I need is
1.  doing the will of God
2.  finishing his work


Thats it... it is that simple... It is not about the fancy spices and all that jazz... its about embracing the manna and not desiring the food of the Egyptians who we have been freed from (Exodus/Numbers) - the clutches of sin that we have already been freed from... moving from earthly to heavenly.

Talented

Parables of the Talents 

Matthew 25:14-29

“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17 So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18 But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24 “Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28 “‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29 For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.

I have been trying to figure out where I am supposed to be and work and what to do… pretty much I am trying to figure out life.  This parable really stood out to me because it emphasizes the fact that we each have different talents, skills, abilities, and interests.  This is an absolutely beautiful thing when we embrace it- but is really destructive when we don’t. 

God, as the master, has given us each our own talents, skills, abilities, interests, likes, dislikes, etc.  I love the response of the first servant- he IMMEDIATELY put his money to work.  People who are like the first man know what their gifts are, and they use them.  They don’t sit around in fear of making the wrong choice, or debating if this is what other people would do.  They know their gifts and they use them to serve. 

While the second servant only received two talents, he too knew his skills and had a 100% return, just like the first servant.  The master was pleased with him as well- and it was not on the basis of the quantity of talents he had gained, but on the basis that he used them and got a return. 

The third servant however was afraid of messing up and losing the master’s talent- so he hides it away instead of using it or even investing it for interest… with this the master was not pleased at all.  The servants were not compared to each other to say “one made so much more than the other”- they were only judged on the basis of how they used what they were given. 

Because each servant had different skills and abilities, how and where they invested their talents could be completely different.  The point for us as servants is to know what our skills are and how and where we are called to invest them.  If the first servant had tried to invest in the same ways as the second servant, his yield would have been completely different.  And if the second servant tried to mimick the first servant’s strategy instead of one that used his own skills, the outcome of his investment would have been less as well. 

We are not meant to try and copy other people’s skills, but to know and grow our own, and figure out how we can best be using them to further God’s kingdom.  God gave everyone different skills and passions for a reason- not that we all act the same, but that through everyone’s strengths and weaknesses working together He would be glorified. That we would not all do the same things and that there would be variety and creativity.  This has been a challenge for me as I am trying to figure out what direction to be moving… to really hone in on the skills God has given me and wants me to use- and to be faithful in figuring out where to use them.  It has really convicted me to stop looking at what other’s are doing and given me the freedom to be able to rejoice in their work, and be at peace that my steps will most likely look very different from theirs.   God has put some talents in my hands… here we go!