Day 2. Clothes

Wow! Today kind of blew my mind. I woke up for outside yoga and it was very chilly and overcast with light rain. It was frustrating to not be able to grab a hoodie or long sleeved shirt and plan accordingly like I usually would. I rocked my sweatpants, shorts, t shirt and jacket. The drive over made me realize how that is a struggle the homeless or poor face everyday... Not having the luxury of picking the right clothing for the day. You wear what you have, and you make it work... Cold and wet or not! Whether they are dirty and smell a little isn't important because you gotta wear something.

Afterwards I was grabbing a warm breakfast to have some coffee and quiet time but the place was so crowded. When a man in the corner left, myself and another lady were going for the table. She saw I had been looking at it and offered to share until her friend came and another table cleared up. Well we started talking and it was great! The three of us sat and ate together and then just kept talking. It would be so cool if that happened more often, not being in a rush and able to slow down for those sweet moments.

They were such a blessing helping me start the process of thinking through my future... What this whole seven was partially about. Including working through a lot of different thought areas I was spinning my wheels on. They had great ideas and challenged me to visit some places over the next several months. How kind of them to spend their breakfast helping me! And they want updates from each month and the progress I am making :) This lined up perfectly with seven and brought confirmation to some thoughts I was having. Amazing how quickly God met me!

Month One- Clothing

So I have already realized how I do my fast will not be like Jen and her family, and that is okay.  It is between God and myself- not replicating what she needed to do, but doing what I need to do.  And it is definitely still going to be difficult.  I thought this would be an easy area for me, but it is the end of Day One with a long weekend coming and I am like, crap, what am I going to wear all weekend?! 

So for this month, I have divided it into two areas... 1. Work and 2. Not Work.  For each of these areas my very kind, patient, and way more fashion-conscious friend Janine and myself have narrowed down my wardrobe to seven items.  The struggle for me is I love comfy relaxing clothes, I like to do activities and exercise.  I do not dress how I need to dress for work in regular life... and I am not trying to get fired for wearing the same t-shirt and shorts to work 3 days a week.  Similar to how Jen did it- undergarments do not count.  I am however selecting one jacket to wear overall, not included as part of the seven. So here are my selections:

Work- 
1. Plain black dress
2. Plain Blue dress
3. Black with kind of polka dots dress
4. Mustard colored cardigan
5. Gray cardigan (with sweet elbow patches I just added since I had work holes in BOTH elbows... this was a debate with Janine as to whether I should have a patterned cardigan or not since I am going to look kind of boring. and plain with dull colors.. but I don't want too many obvious things so people won't realize I have worn the same thing twice that week)
6. Field long-sleeved shirt
7. Field work jeans

Not work-
1. Royal blue broomball t-shirt
2. Carribean blue ron jon t-shirt  (my parents got my this as a gift and its very soft an comfy... I would have picked other t-shirts but they were gray or black and everything else is already plain- so I couldn't do it)
3. Summer's Best Two Weeks mesh shorts
4. Sweatpants!
5. Dark cropped jeans
6. Fitted black plain short-sleeved shirt
7. Blue Buffalo Plaid Flannel

I am planning to go camping this month.. I have been going to a Barre class (which is legit if you have never tried it- my goodness)... I need to look professional... And mow the lawn... and be warm as it gets cooler... but not be really hot on those hot September days... we looked up the typical weather temperatures for the month...there was a long talk in which a hoodie was cut for a second t-shirt.  

After day one, I am very interested to how this month will go.  I am looking forward to the easy choices on work mornings, but not looking forward to not having choices and variety. I felt like I was having a break-up with my closet last night, "It isn't you, it's me... I will be back in a month!" But when October comes, will I purge a lot of them, realizing how truly over abundantly I have been living? I will keep ya posted.

Seven Begins...

Earlier this summer as our church was starting our study on the book of Revelation, specifically the message on Chapter 3, we heard about the Church of Laodicea, which was addressed in the scroll as being a church that was "rich". 

vv 17-18- "You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you           do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."

The conviction was on my heart that I am most certainly very rich compared to the world, even if I don't always feel that way. That I often rely on my own ability to meet my needs instead of relying on God, and a lot of the things that I often purchase are not even needs, they are wants. At which point I realized I needed to do something, to snap me out of "rich but still poor" mentality, and to focus on how amazingly blessed I am. I don't want to be pitiful, poor, blind, and naked as a result of my "richness". 

It brought me back to a family who I distantly knew way back in 2010 who went through this "Seven" challenge.  I knew a little bit about it, but not too much.   So remembering how she was talking about only wearing seven clothes or something like that, I looked up Seven when I got home.  It is now a book, written by Jen Hatmaker. I found the description which seemed perfect to deal with my richness-

"7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence."

...and it was perfect! So I found a cheap used copy to learn more. It is a cool idea- she picked seven areas of excess and intentionally focussed on one per month- you can see them below on the book cover:

So I started reading and knew I needed to do this- I needed to intentionally do a seven month fast of these things that distract me and numb me to my actual need for God.  I think some areas will definitely be easier than others, and truthfully, I just want to be able to share the lesson I think I will learn from that month and not have to do it. Mainly food... I love food... I love different flavors and tastes and recipes...  Feel sorry for those around me during food month...

Sometimes I think I can distract myself from the real issues I need to deal with by relying on some of these areas instead of going to God.  So I begin- excited but unsure of what is going to be overturned. 

So it is September and I will begin- it will lead me on a journey back to God and my need for Him.  It will culminate around my 30th birthday- eek!  So I can't think of a better way to wrap up a decade and intentionally begin the next. My hope is that it will destroy some these walls and this numbness that has grown around and in my heart.  I hope it will open my eyes to the things I have taken for granted and the many ways I am blessed in daily routines that have become that, a routine instead of opportunities for gratitude.   

...Here we go!

Wrestling

How do we reconcile Romans 14:13-23:

13Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.[c] 22The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.


in a world where so many people are grieved by so much... As we think about our nation's past and the civil war. Yet not let what is good be spoken of as evil as it says in verse 16. When I see men like Robert E. Lee who is considered "evil" in many eyes, yet taught his slaves to read and freed them, giving them worth and dignity ... While Lincoln whom we revere said "I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races, —that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race" in the Lincoln-Douglas debates. 

Both of whom did amazing things for our country either in the engineering or battlefields or from the public office. So the thing it seems is someone can do the right things for the wrong reasons, and be considered a good person in the eyes of men; yet someone can do the wrong things for the right reasons and be considered bad by man. Which I guess is the reason we can find peace and justice in the fact and hope that God judges the heart and man judges the outward appearances.

Calluses and Dirty Glasses

Kind of gross right?  But what I recently realized while praying through some things about my heart, my insecurities, and my potential relationships is that I have been living with calluses and dirty lenses.  Instead of being soft and open-hearted, I have built up calluses in those places where I have been hurt.  Instead of seeing myself the way God sees me and in my identity as his daughter and his creation, I have allowed my judgments, and others' words and views to cloud the lenses I am looking through.

In times and situations where I have been vulnerable and it has seemingly backfired or been painful, instead of allowing God to heal me, I developed a callus.  A callus is defined as "hard, thickened areas of skin that form as a consequence of rubbing, friction or pressure on the skin" and that is exactly what I have.  I have thickened areas on my heart that I hope will protect me from that pain, when in reality they are keeping me from any real and meaningful love instead.  What I realized and prayed is that God would be the pumice stone that helps sand down the rough areas I have built- not to hurt me, but so that I can be open again.  It is a pumice stone that looks a lot like forgiveness, but one that I really cannot do on my own. I need His provision and strength.  

I also have worn glasses for a long time- and it is so annoying when something gets on your lenses and distorts your vision.  The odd caveat is that sometimes things build up on there that you don't even notice, ever so slightly, until overtime they are changing your view.  When you finally wipe them clean it is amazing how clearly you can once again see!  Well I realized this has also happened in my my life.  Ever so slightly, I have let the views others have of me land on my life glasses.  Instead of realizing it and seeking God to help get my view right and truly clean my lenses, I kind of wiped away at it but instead smeared it thinly all over.  So overtime these things have built up and shaped how I am seeing myself and others.  I need God's lens cleaner and wipes to actually clean the lenses that I have just smeared into a mess.  This is a lens cleaner that looks a lot like repentance and seeking reassurance and true identity through His truth and words.  I need His help to truly clean off a mess that I could only smear around.  

So I share this as encouragement and a challenge- are you building up thicker skin thinking you are dealing with the pain or are you allowing God to work in your heart through forgiveness?  Are you just smearing the hard things around on your lenses to think you're dealing with them or are you wrestling with the things landing on your lenses, repenting of the ones you've let shape your view and seeking His help to clean them off and guide you back to a clear view? 

Keepin the Boat Afloat

I was thinking today how I had been in such good time of growth and connection with God during lent and leading up to Easter.  I was getting fuel by reading and doing a devotional, and I was paddling by writing out prayers daily.  But now that Easter has come and my Lent devotional is over I realize how much like a boat I am.  Back then I was fueling my motor and had my paddling arms ready...  Now I just feel like I am coasting and riding my momentum until it stops.

I think I get in the cycles often and I am praying that God would help me keep up with my momentum all the time, not just when I get stuck.  Especially because it is so much easier to get started back up when you are still pointed in the right direction and have some speed going!

He doesn't NEED anything...

And it is SOOOO nice!  This fact really washed over to me today as I have felt more and more like I need someone to just listen to me and let me vent throughout different happenings... Yet everyone has their own problems.  It isn't a bad thing, it is just called life!  We all have things happening and we all need someone to be there for us.  But as I approached God to pray, it dawned on me how sweet it is to have Him there, ready to listen always, not needing something back from me, but genuinely wanting to let me talk and work through things with him.  And it was so sweet- I have been seeking so hard to find it all around me when He has always been right there.

Just let the sweet fact that the creator of the universe, who has so much going on under His control, is there to just spend time listening and reaching out to you.  Yet he has those things handled- and doesn't need me to solve his problems, but brings me solutions and guidance, and sometimes let's me be part of the solution or guidance for someone else.  It is just too joy giving not to take as second to mention.