Crappy Soil

The other week I was noticing the top soil I had bought for my garden wasn't looking too hot.  Growing season is approaching and I am getting excited about the potential crop yield I can have- however if my soil is crappy, my plants won't grow well, and then I won't have many delicious backyard vegetables.  This is a big year for my crops- I doubled my growing area and have already overbooked the limited space with plants I hope to grow.

From a book I was reading (listening to really as it was on CD), I learned that adding horse manure can really help boost the nutrients and quality of the soil.  I received some back-up confirmation from a few people and an ad on craigslist offering to deliver horse manure.  Fortunately I have a horse manure hookup via a friend with horses who was kind enough to let me drive over and load the truck up for free.  My manure fork got to live up to it's namesake and my Muck boots felt like they were at home.  I dug up my rock hard top soil and mixed in the new horse manure.  It was exciting to see that some worms and already taken up residence in my future garden.

It was a lot of work- it was messy- and  a lot less smelly than I was anticipating (and kind of hoping for some weird reason).  But I am excited at the prospect of what will grow and use the organic material that was added.  I realized as I was laying awake praying for hearts to be like the "good soil" from the parable in Luke 8:4-15, that in order to make what appears to be normal dirt a good growing place, you gotta mix in some crap!  My initial dirt was pretty crappy- but by adding some actual crap, and  making it "crappier", it is preparing to make be a fertile place for seeds to be planted and grow.

The crap being mixed in is making it a good place for God's seeds to be planted and grow. So for those of you going through some "crappy" times, I am not trying to diminish them nor the pain and the difficulty you are facing, but know that they might be part of the mix for something to grow and flourish where it could not do so before.  I know that I am excited and hopeful for the harvest that might be coming and have a new appreciation for the crappy times that will inevitably come and for the crap that has already been mixed into the soil of my heart and my life, painful and hard at the time, but creating a better place for growth with God in my own life.

Bear Traps

I have had this thought for awhile and just been terrible at finally putting it down in writing. In the lenten quest of trying to deal with area of bitterness and figuring out how to navigate those difficult waters, I feel like I have made little headway.

The longer I am alive, the more opportunities I have to be cranky with people- either for something they did, or didn't do, how they made me feel, lots of things.  Some judgements completely my fault, some things that really were intentionally mean or hurtful, some things that weren't meant to be good or bad but just messed up my plans or that were mis-interpreted. I am a mess!  Are we all like this?

It has been an amazing reminder of my need for constant grace and Jesus' saving as we approach Easter.  Even spending this time focussing on how to give up bitterness, it feels futile.  I know I will get to Easter and still struggle with being bitter towards things and people.  The only way I will have a clean slate is by the forgiveness I received from him paying the penalty for my sins and struggles- and it makes me appreciate it all the more.

The one thing I have become aware of is the bitterness onset- so that will help.  Starting to recognize situations and feelings that are leading me towards bitterness- recognizing I am on a journey and bitterness is like a bear trap. So I can be walking along my path and bitterness is on the way like a bear trap- I can recognize I am bee lining right towards it and go around it, or walk right into it and get hurt. Maybe one day I will get better at disabling the bear trap, but for now identifying and not stepping on it will be a good start!