Almost done!

This month has been a good start to this journey.  I feel like I have already been growing in this time- in self-awareness of both my giftings and tendencies. It has been cool to intentionally reconnect with some old friends, reflecting on life and what the future might hold.

Clothing wise... 

1. Despite not being able to wear any of them, I feel like I bought a decent amount of new things this month.  Partially probably a backlash of wanting to wear something else... and partially because there was some cute fall stuff that would be good and was on sale!  That is not a good excuse because this month I have realized how little I really need to cover the basic need of being clothed.  

2. I really enjoy living in the excess of clothes in these areas... 
                Variety... in color and style.  
                Choices to meet the weather situation.  
                Having multiple items so I don't have to wash as frequently and my clothes aren't                             stinky.                          
                Expression so people know what I care about.
                Expectation- meeting the style people think I should be dressed as.

3. Expectation is a big clothing criteria for me. I want to dress close enough to blend in with the style people expect in a situation. This will be big tomorrow as I am in the company golf tournament with the selection of sweatpants, jeans, or athletic shorts.  It makes me cringe knowing I will stick out.  

4. But this month has also taught me that I am far more aware of my fashion/clothing situation than anyone else is.  To wear the same dress twice a week the last few weeks with nobody noticing seems so crazy.  It is a good reminder that I care way more about what people think, then they are actually thinking/realizing. 

5. It has been really nice having limited choices when I am getting ready.  I know what is clean, what is dirty, and there aren't many choices to make.  The simplicity is really nice!

I am excited to get to wear other colors and get into my cute fall purchases... but also excited to find out how this food month will go.  I want these clothing lessons to sink in so I am thinking I will try and find a way to cut back on what I have.

true love

So this is not related to Seven at all, but just something that dawned on me this month.  This may very well be a "me" thing...

You know whenever you have a friend or someone you like, and you see them talking with someone else? Particularly with someone you are interested in I guess... I am like.. are they laughing and having a good time?  Do they like them better than me?  Oh no- cue every insecurity and everything I might have done wrong to push said individual away at some point in time.  And part of me just wants them to not interact with any other girl in case they do find someone they like better.  I mean, flawless logic right?  Completely reasonable... and achievable!  Ha.

Then it occurred to me... if they couldn't interact with anyone else ever, how shallow and more fragile that relationship would be.  They don't love me for me, but because they had no other choice.  So giving them freedom to see and meet and choose, while seeming scary, makes that love so much deeper.  Obviously that isn't forever- like not once we make a lasting commitment in marriage to one another for life.  But dang- it hit me- that is God with me... with all of us.  He doesn't want  us to love Him because we had no other choice, but He desires the true love and relationship that comes from choosing Him time and time and time again.  Thank goodness He is abounding in forgiveness and patience, because oh how many times my heart wanders.  But how beautiful His love- and the picture he paints for us to walk out in our relationships.

So Will I (100 Billion X)

Obsessed with this song- probably listening at least 100 times... haha. I see and relate to God best in nature so this is just so beautiful to me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwYuKlbk6BQ

lyrics:

God of creation
There at the start
Before the beginning of time
With no point of reference
You spoke to the dark
And fleshed out the wonder of light

And as You speak
A hundred billion galaxies are born
In the vapor of Your breath the planets form
If the stars were made to worship so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made
Every burning star
A signal fire of grace
If creation sings Your praises so will I

God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I
So will I

If the stars were made to worship so will I
If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
For if everything exists to lift You high so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will I
If the sum of all our praises still falls shy
Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times

God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I

Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

Taking better care....

Weekends... Weekends are my rough time. It just seems everything gets smelly dirty soooo fast. I don't want to workout... Or mow the lawn... Or do the things I should cause then the clothing situation suffers.

I have realized how I care a lot less about my clothes when I have my plethora ready to go... but painting yesterday was so stressful because I didn't want to ruin anything that I still need to wear for two more weeks! I would usually just put on my "crap" clothes that I don't care about, but that was not a luxury I had and is now a luxury that I realize I take for granted. 

In true dramatic fashion... White paint with my Navy ensemble was difficult enough, but then all the mosquitoes of the land wanted to suck my blood at this precise moment, sensing my vulnerability as I needed to focus. Dip brush... paint trim piece... focus on not getting any drips on me... look at my legs... Smack a mosquito... Realize I forgot the brush status... Check to see if I got paint on me... Repeat. This is gross but I had like 4-5 squished mosquitoes on me by the time I finished. There was paint on my skin, but I think the ensemble miraculously survived!

I would say at this point my heart is definitely feeling for homeless people who only have so many clothing items and the struggles that really brings.

Expression and stinkiness...

Over the past two weeks I've found I don't really mind the clothes at all during the work day, but the outside of work clothes bothers me a lot more.

I went for a run yesterday and was frustrated because that meant by just cleaned shirt was immediately getting dirty. It wouldn't be a big deal usually, but when you only have so many shirts, you need them smelling their best! But I also don't want to sacrifice exercise for clothes. Ugh.

Also I realized I care more about how I look outside of work than at work. Probably because I feel like I have alot more freedom and expression in what I wear outside of work. And it's annoying to wear the same outfit just about every day when I have other fun things I want to wear...

Comic relief

Bahahaha. So apparently some people do notice repeat clothes... And that person is me. I picked my mom up and asked her, weren't you wearing that Tuesday? All defensive she replied yes, I wear it two or three times before I need to wash it! 

I wasn't offended, as the girl wearing 7 items there's a lot of repeats. I was wearing the same thing I wore to work Monday... It was just too funny it happened today.

Settling for mudpies

I found this C.S. Lewis quote today which really summarizes my feelings in doing this challenge/fast...

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

My desires have become sidetracked from infinite joy and glory towards clothes... And food... And following people's pictures... Mere mudpies. I have become entertained by something far less glorious and given it my time, money, energy, etc.

Tomorrow is the first day I will repeat a dress in the same week at work, and you know what? I'm pretty sure no one will notice or care! Ha. The annoying part is making sure things stay clean, but besides that the limited selection has been kind of soothing.  The bigger issue is still my caring what people think of my clothes, not the clothes themselves.

Post camping

It's been awhile because for the most part things have been going pretty smoothly. The lack of selection is nice in some ways... easy to make choices. The main issue was waiting for clothes to dry earlier this week so I had something to wear. Especially because I need to wash my clothes after mowing the lawn so I don't smell like an engine but the rest were dirty too. 

I camped this weekend and let me tell you, packing my clothes was a breeeeeeze! And you know what, I wore the same thing all weekend. With the exception of switching​ my jeans and sweatpants when I wanted to look fancier for my town appearances. It's great... I smell a little smokey, but no one cares. So that's been pretty nice. The whole point of my trip was to take some time to figure out what I am doing with my life, you know, a light undertaking. Nbd. Still working on that...

Hokies!!

We won! Virginia Tech beat West Virginia after years of not playing one another. It was a close game, back and forth, very exciting!

All that is to say, today I realized how much I use clothing to "speak" something about me in certain situations. I wore a different t-shirt earlier today as part of what we wear working with the kids at church. It "speaks", 'I work with your children and have been screened and am approved to be back here'.  Since this isn't a war against the system, I let that slide.

The shirt is an orange staff shirt and I was SO TEMPTED to wear it tonight for the game so people would always know I'm a Hokie! But no... Everything I had was blue or black... Ugh.

It's definitely been an interesting two days realizing how much more I use and value clothing choices than I was previously aware of....

Day 2. Clothes

Wow! Today kind of blew my mind. I woke up for outside yoga and it was very chilly and overcast with light rain. It was frustrating to not be able to grab a hoodie or long sleeved shirt and plan accordingly like I usually would. I rocked my sweatpants, shorts, t shirt and jacket. The drive over made me realize how that is a struggle the homeless or poor face everyday... Not having the luxury of picking the right clothing for the day. You wear what you have, and you make it work... Cold and wet or not! Whether they are dirty and smell a little isn't important because you gotta wear something.

Afterwards I was grabbing a warm breakfast to have some coffee and quiet time but the place was so crowded. When a man in the corner left, myself and another lady were going for the table. She saw I had been looking at it and offered to share until her friend came and another table cleared up. Well we started talking and it was great! The three of us sat and ate together and then just kept talking. It would be so cool if that happened more often, not being in a rush and able to slow down for those sweet moments.

They were such a blessing helping me start the process of thinking through my future... What this whole seven was partially about. Including working through a lot of different thought areas I was spinning my wheels on. They had great ideas and challenged me to visit some places over the next several months. How kind of them to spend their breakfast helping me! And they want updates from each month and the progress I am making :) This lined up perfectly with seven and brought confirmation to some thoughts I was having. Amazing how quickly God met me!

Month One- Clothing

So I have already realized how I do my fast will not be like Jen and her family, and that is okay.  It is between God and myself- not replicating what she needed to do, but doing what I need to do.  And it is definitely still going to be difficult.  I thought this would be an easy area for me, but it is the end of Day One with a long weekend coming and I am like, crap, what am I going to wear all weekend?! 

So for this month, I have divided it into two areas... 1. Work and 2. Not Work.  For each of these areas my very kind, patient, and way more fashion-conscious friend Janine and myself have narrowed down my wardrobe to seven items.  The struggle for me is I love comfy relaxing clothes, I like to do activities and exercise.  I do not dress how I need to dress for work in regular life... and I am not trying to get fired for wearing the same t-shirt and shorts to work 3 days a week.  Similar to how Jen did it- undergarments do not count.  I am however selecting one jacket to wear overall, not included as part of the seven. So here are my selections:

Work- 
1. Plain black dress
2. Plain Blue dress
3. Black with kind of polka dots dress
4. Mustard colored cardigan
5. Gray cardigan (with sweet elbow patches I just added since I had work holes in BOTH elbows... this was a debate with Janine as to whether I should have a patterned cardigan or not since I am going to look kind of boring. and plain with dull colors.. but I don't want too many obvious things so people won't realize I have worn the same thing twice that week)
6. Field long-sleeved shirt
7. Field work jeans

Not work-
1. Royal blue broomball t-shirt
2. Carribean blue ron jon t-shirt  (my parents got my this as a gift and its very soft an comfy... I would have picked other t-shirts but they were gray or black and everything else is already plain- so I couldn't do it)
3. Summer's Best Two Weeks mesh shorts
4. Sweatpants!
5. Dark cropped jeans
6. Fitted black plain short-sleeved shirt
7. Blue Buffalo Plaid Flannel

I am planning to go camping this month.. I have been going to a Barre class (which is legit if you have never tried it- my goodness)... I need to look professional... And mow the lawn... and be warm as it gets cooler... but not be really hot on those hot September days... we looked up the typical weather temperatures for the month...there was a long talk in which a hoodie was cut for a second t-shirt.  

After day one, I am very interested to how this month will go.  I am looking forward to the easy choices on work mornings, but not looking forward to not having choices and variety. I felt like I was having a break-up with my closet last night, "It isn't you, it's me... I will be back in a month!" But when October comes, will I purge a lot of them, realizing how truly over abundantly I have been living? I will keep ya posted.

Seven Begins...

Earlier this summer as our church was starting our study on the book of Revelation, specifically the message on Chapter 3, we heard about the Church of Laodicea, which was addressed in the scroll as being a church that was "rich". 

vv 17-18- "You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you           do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."

The conviction was on my heart that I am most certainly very rich compared to the world, even if I don't always feel that way. That I often rely on my own ability to meet my needs instead of relying on God, and a lot of the things that I often purchase are not even needs, they are wants. At which point I realized I needed to do something, to snap me out of "rich but still poor" mentality, and to focus on how amazingly blessed I am. I don't want to be pitiful, poor, blind, and naked as a result of my "richness". 

It brought me back to a family who I distantly knew way back in 2010 who went through this "Seven" challenge.  I knew a little bit about it, but not too much.   So remembering how she was talking about only wearing seven clothes or something like that, I looked up Seven when I got home.  It is now a book, written by Jen Hatmaker. I found the description which seemed perfect to deal with my richness-

"7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence."

...and it was perfect! So I found a cheap used copy to learn more. It is a cool idea- she picked seven areas of excess and intentionally focussed on one per month- you can see them below on the book cover:

So I started reading and knew I needed to do this- I needed to intentionally do a seven month fast of these things that distract me and numb me to my actual need for God.  I think some areas will definitely be easier than others, and truthfully, I just want to be able to share the lesson I think I will learn from that month and not have to do it. Mainly food... I love food... I love different flavors and tastes and recipes...  Feel sorry for those around me during food month...

Sometimes I think I can distract myself from the real issues I need to deal with by relying on some of these areas instead of going to God.  So I begin- excited but unsure of what is going to be overturned. 

So it is September and I will begin- it will lead me on a journey back to God and my need for Him.  It will culminate around my 30th birthday- eek!  So I can't think of a better way to wrap up a decade and intentionally begin the next. My hope is that it will destroy some these walls and this numbness that has grown around and in my heart.  I hope it will open my eyes to the things I have taken for granted and the many ways I am blessed in daily routines that have become that, a routine instead of opportunities for gratitude.   

...Here we go!