Storytelling Life

Life with and alongside people is telling the same story, over and over again. I realized that today as I was catching up with a friend. Friendship and life is telling your people about your life over and over again. It is telling the same story. Sometimes once I tell it once to one friend, I feel like telling it again is redundant. But if I am to keep everyone in the loop- I need to tell the story again and again. I always want to hear their stories and would be robbed of a piece of their life if they stopped telling it. I am grateful for the people and the small loop that wants to listen to my stories, and that I get to hear their stories.

But also it is a good reminder to make your story a good one!

Both and...

The last two weeks I have been mulling over this idea that Oswald Chambers calls out in his devotional "My Utmost for His Highest". The idea that kept repeating is spontaneity and how love is spontaneous. (Here is the link to one of them: Spontaneous Love) The definition of spontaneous (adjective) is as follows:

1. performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus

It was pretty convicting as I realized I have gotten more into the habit of planning my 'fun' and 'loving' times around my own schedule, attitude, and feelings. Instead of letting them happen naturally, I was eliminating spontaneity with the goal of manufacturing a time for a feeling and a vibe. Ew! That is so gross! It is the opposite of loving; it is forced, can be fake, and is probably hurtful to those on the receiving end. In order to make sure it was there, instead of letting it happen spontaneously, I tried to control it and force it to occur within a certain window. 

That takes away so much of the beauty of love. I am not saying it is not good to set aside intentional times with God and our loved ones, just that those times should not be the only source of them receiving love and attention from us. They need to know they are loved outside of just those scheduled moments. And it hit me, we simultaneously need to be disciplined in order to be spontaneous. A 'both and' situation. The definition of disciplined (adjective) is as follows:

1. showing a controlled form of behavior or way of working.

They are opposites so it seems so counterintuitive that both need to work together. I can be at either extreme, but to hold both simultaneously seems so strange. The quotes from the devotional this morning that made that ring clear were, 

"The right thing to do with godly habits is to immerse them in the life of the Lord until they become such a spontaneous expression of our lives that we are no longer aware of them...Your god may be your little Christian habit— the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what the habit symbolizes...Love means that there are no visible habits— that your habits are so immersed in the Lord that you practice them without realizing it." 

In order for us to love spontaneously, we need to practice the discipline of healthy habits. Habits that cannot become our own god or justification in themselves, but that are crucial to our growth. Habits that become part of who we are. We need to be spontaneous in how we feel and respond in love, but also have a lifestyle formed by discipline and habits that helps us be able to go deeper in relationship. Those disciplines and habits cannot become our god, causing us to write off and avoid spontaneity because we have to give up or control. It is both and, like God. Alpha AND Omega. Beginning AND end. Here's to balance!

Merry Christmas Eve! always ...

A weird thing has happened recently (being the last two years)... I have become very sentimental on Christmas Eve. For tradition... for the current 'usual', but also for the 'old' usual. For what I did growing up and where I lived. For those individuals lost and the abandoned traditions that will no longer continue to. For the roots I have, and that my family has. I have this strange pulling between joy for the coming, and mourning for the past. 

Maybe I am in a self-induced Ebenezer Scrooge situation? Reflecting on the past while being in the present, and wanting the future to be full of love and hope. Regardless, it is weird how a day you love and that is full of joyful anticipation is simultaneously reminding you of what is and what has been lost... That which is no more ... it's a space that I squirm in and usually run from. 

It hit me as I sang a favorite Christmas song to myself- "Old City Bar" by Trans Siberian Orchestra. The whole thing is a moving story and allegory of life. The lyric that has stuck with me today is this, 

"The child said "I've noticed

If one could be home,
They'd be already there"

If I could control being home in all the things I reflect on holding dear, I'd already be there. But what is true is that every day is Christmas Eve. Every day is wrought with the tension between what is, what has been lost, and what is to come and restore it all. Everyday we are awaiting the arrival again of Jesus. The restoration of home. I think that is the tension I feel most strongly every 'real' Christmas Eve. The tension between what is, has been, and what is to come. The longing for the permanent, unchanging, hope and joy-filled home my heart longs for. So until the time heaven and out permanent home is restored, we keep living out a Christmas Eve. 

Merry Christmas Eve until he returns to you all!

Advent Musing: Peace

Colossians 1:16 "For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him."

This verse just called out, "peace", to me. It seems everything can be charged and risky when talking about politics and ideas about leaders these days... I've sat by listening to  discussions about political agendas in coffee shops. With how intricate and calculated people have made plans to gain power, it can cause anxiety that what is right will not be upheld or represented, just what has the best planner. 

This verse made me breath a sigh of relief because all the powers and authority were not only created by him, but for him. God with the greater goal of reconciliation and redemption is behind it all. Not a sinful and limited in perspective human. Ah, sigh. Peace in the midst.

Forest Church

I was hiking through the woods today. It's that time of year when all the leaves have fallen and are coating the ground. It makes the views great because you can see so far without the summer leafy vegetation.  It's also great because it's not hot! 

I love having seasons and seeing the changes that come with each one. They're unique and show a different truth about God. 

Seeing the leaves on the ground and the fallen seeds reminded me of the generational journey of the church. The things that were the fruit and glory of those before us are beautiful. We enjoy them in their prime like summer, they're beautiful as they turn to fall and begin to drop the seeds. The leaves fall and coat the ground, becoming the compost and rich soil for the future growth that is to come. It happens year after year as the forest is like the church, with different generations all living together in community. They drop the seeds that grow and become the future forest and future church.

I love how physical reality points to rich spiritual truths, revealing God in each and every little thing. 

Live your Mission Statement (Philippians)

We are starting a study of Philippians at church. I am excited because I love better understanding the context and history associated with the Bible. However, I really don't enjoy personally reading that stuff on my own, I like being taught and having the ability to ask questions and have dialogue. I love how God reveals truths as we study and dig deeper into His word. And in full disclosure, I am a little annoyed at myself with how prideful or judgmental I can be, reminding myself that knowledge puffs up and love builds up. I am praying that God would help me remain humble in the things he reveals to me and share them with a heart of love and not to elevate myself. 
Paul wrote his letter to the Philippians while he was in prison, unsure whether he was going to be executed or not. It is crazy how our perspective shifts to the things that are truly important to impart when our life is on the line. We break out of the day-to-day routine, even if it is in ministry, and see with a perspective we often don't take the time to reach. Paul pours out his heart for the gospel and encouraging the Philippians to live as Christ lived, a letter which encourages us to this day. 
We looked at Acts 16:10-30, a time where Paul was imprisoned for freeing the female slave of the evil spirit residing in her because her owners would now not make as much money off of her. Then in prison, Paul is found singing hymns to God and saving the guards life when the earthquake happens and everyone remains in their cells. This guard accepts Christ and is freed from death. Lastly, we looked at Acts 28:10-31, where once again Paul is imprisoned. Yet, he is always himself, he invites people and groups to himself and preaches to them from prison. 

I look at him, and these three times he was imprisoned and am so imprinted by the way he was on point with his mission regardless of his external circumstances. He knew his purpose and his mission; no matter how his circumstances changed, free or imprisoned, he stayed the same. He encouraged the Philippians through letter inside the prison walls and had he been outside, he would have done the exact same. He freed the female slave outside the prison walls, and from within the prison walls he saved the prison guard. He preached to the people of Rome when he was a free man, and did the same as a man imprisoned.

I want to know my mission and purpose as solidly as Paul does. I want to be unphased by the external circumstances and continue to be on point without moping for myself or trying to elicit sympathy from others. I want to be confident and bold because fear and having a certain external appearance no longer directs my path. I am so grateful that as I get older, I better understand Philippians 1:6, " And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." I am aware it is a journey with a target I am ever approaching but never reaching until completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  

Reminder to self:

It is not about me, I am just a pawn.

Ephesians 6:12.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

When people do things that I make way more personal than they were even intended .. they were typically acting in their own hurts and hang-ups, not personally against me. Satan just wants to use me as a pawn in those times to take me out of being a vessel for God to being a defender of my own flesh. And even if it was intentional, it's still a greater spiritual battle.