You Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog

So on Instagram for the month of November I have been trying to post pictures of things I am thankful for each day.  I don't want to be obnoxious, but doing it is such a good reminder to spend each day recognizing the things I have to be thankful for, and not to focus on things to whine or complain about. It is a great attitude changer!  It is also pretty informative of my own tendencies- thankful for food, America and dogs it seems.

Today I was especially thankful for the opportunity to walk my aunt's 13 year old bassett hound. However, at first I was not.  I was looking forward to a nice, brisk, fall morning hike to a little waterfall by their house.  It was going to be a good little bit of quality time in God's creation and some time to take it all in. It was going to be a great morning activity- get in, hike, then get to doing my list of tasks for the day. Expectations... When my aunt asked if I wanted to take a dog with me I immediately said yes- and suggested one of the younger ones (with seemingly less leg problems, etc.)  When she mentioned the oldest might be the best on the leash I thought, oh no... what if her legs give out?  What if she just stops and refuses to go any further? (She is a big dog at 60 lbs and I can't carry that by myself through the woods!) There was a lot of doubt stirring.  Plus- if you've ever walked with a hound dog, you know they need to sniff everything and go even slower than other dogs. Hound dogs are not a prime candidate for a speed walk.

When we got there and I had helped her out of the car, we started walking I became kind of annoyed at first.  We were moving so slowly, people were passing us, we stopped for so many things (peeing, sniffing, no good reason, because someone was in front of us, because someone was behind us, because there was no one, etc).  What if she has a heart attack with this movement was going through my mind... But slowly and steadily- emphasis on slowly... she kept going!  At first what was annoying was how much I felt like it was holding me back.  I could have been done and through the whole thing before we even ended up making it to the falls.  That seemed so frustrating- but I started seeing some of myself in her.  She was connected to me and I was leading her on this trail that she could do, but definitely was not in quite the right shape for.  We made good speed at some points, and no speed at others.  But we did keep moving forward.

It started dawning on me how much I am like Pookie in this situation, and Jesus is like me.  He is trying to lead me down a path at a pace I should be able to handle.  But I am too out of shape to be with him.  I want to be connected to him and following him, but sometimes I am more like a hound dog.  Going slowly, getting distracted by other scents and wanting to run a different path.  Pulling and yanking, but being lovingly directed back to the right path before I get too far away.  When I am not intentionally spending time with him and reading his word, I struggle to keep up on a path that I should be okay moving on.  Yes it has ups and downs, but he is leading me at a pace I should be able to handle.

I can't imagine how loving he is to not get frustrated and just want to pick us up and move us to the right place.  But in his love he doesn't do that- he lets us walk the path with him as he patiently encourages us to keep moving forward.  There we learn to trust that he is with us, learn to recognize his voice, and grow in our own strength to overcome.  That is what I started doing with Pookie, thinking how Jesus must do that with me.  Encouraging the good steps and progress we had made, and trying not to get frustrated.  In the end, I was so grateful at the lesson she taught me and for the extra time I got to spend outside in the fresh air. But I know now, I ain't nothin' but a hound dog, and when I look at how I am moving it will be a good reminder to keep moving forward!

TIA- This is Africa

So I have been back about a month and a half now.  Sorry all the updates went cold turkey but in true TIA fashion, the power started cutting off for various hours a day and our internet plan ran out of data. As a project update- the site was really cool to see.  I loved getting to walk around it and imagine how the land will be transformed into a transforming entity.  A place of growth, renewal, hope and change for Uganda.  The Fathers of Bethany Land Institute (BLI) were such a delight to work with- very engaged, sweet and fun.  I loved learning the different plants and methods from our Ugandan agricultural team members.  It still blows my mind that in such a short time frame, a robust presentation, and soon completed report and plan set will be provided and coming to life!

I also got to meet my Compassion International sponsor child which was SUCH A TREAT.  She was super excited- I was super nervous... but it was so fun. I can't praise/thank their program enough for helping make our meeting happen.  It was short notice but they were so so helpful in helping to get everything down and make it happen.  It was definitely God opening a door I never expected.  When I started sponsoring her I never would have imagined I would go to Africa, much less ever get the chance to meet her.  Yet, He opened a door for me to go to her very country, and with literally a one day window to make it happen- all the details worked out.  What a sweet sweet, nine years in the making blessing.  We were able to meet one another, talk, share gifts, paint nails, share a meal, and do a craft project together.

All in all the trip went very well and I really do miss the sweet time of fellowship and unity that we had there.

EMI Uganda Training and Arriving in Luweero

Things are going well- we had training from the east Africa office on design considerations, materials, how things are typically constructed here and lots of good stuff (Structural, Civil, Architectural, etc).  Continued on our way and made it out to the town of Luweero- team meetings and site visit tomorrow!

EMI designed office. 

Training.

They share an office with MAF (Missions in Aviation Fellowship), this is the runway. 

The team that crocs together, rocks. That croc fade rainbow though....

St. Jude's Farm

Today we drove out to St. Jude'sfarmed, named for the patron saint of hopeless causes because that is how Josephine felt when her and her husband her forced out of their Kampalan home onto a plot of land during the war.  They have become an integrated and organic farm and training center that thousands come to in order to learn better farming practices.  Below are some pictures from the drive and the farm.

Mizungo

We are winding down Day 1.  We attended church today at Calvary and "mizungo" is a word we heard from the adorable little kids heading in (and some even coming over to say hi and give a hug).  It means "white person" in Swahili :) .  The worship was a lot of fun- very spirited singing in English, Swahili, and Ogandan.

There was a guest preacher who was really good- and managed to cover like every touchy topic imaginable- marriage, finances, serving, giving.  But it all tied into how you are spreading your seed- when you hold onto it, it cannot grow.  This goes along perfectly with our project trip for designing an agricultural training center with the heart and mission of not only planting seed for food, but also planting spiritual seed starting in Luweero and with a mission to change the generations to come. He reminded us it is better to have seed than bread- for you can make bread from the seed and it shows you are planning for the future- whereas bread you can eat but it will be gone.

He also challenged specifically the Ugandans to reach out and give/serve their neighbors, which is cool because we have a few Ugandans doing just that on our own team!

Below are a picture of myself and Kristen (one of our architects), and one of Kristen and  Simon (a local Ugandan on our team who has a university degree in agriculture and raising animals) in front of the church.

We drove back to the guest house for lunch- on the opposite side of the road which is still kind of scary when you aren't paying attention.  The drainage ditches here are crazy- look at the size of that one below, definitely doesn't meet state regulations back home. 

Below is the view from our meeting and eating area, you can see Lake Victoria in the background.

We walked to the mall area nearby where you had to go through a metal detector with guards and everything just to get in the gate. I got a delicious passion fruit popsicle and coming back we saw these monkeys!  Monkeys freak me out so I tried to keep a safe distance.

The two Fathers from BLI joined us and we did a large introduction circle and review of team and ministry goals.  They seem like fun guys and it is going to be exciting to work with them to see their dreams start to become a reality!

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

For some reason the other day while I was driving to work I put a lot more thought into this question than usual.  Not the typical millionaire situation though, but the kind of situation where you are given a million dollars, every day, and what you don't use, you lose.  

Initially I am kind of selfish because the thought of getting a million dollars each day makes me want to save some (or a lot) for myself.  I would be soooo much less generous if that were the case- not something I am proud of, but just being honest.  The game changer is the "manna from heaven" situation.  Just like when the Israelites were wandering through the desert (grumbling) and God provided them manna every morning and commanded them to take only what they would need for the day.  (Exodus 16)

       "Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each     day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.  On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.”

No matter how much they collected, what wasnt used THAT day would rot (except for what was collected in advance for the Sabbath).  And the next morning it would appear fresh again, to be collected, for that day only. 

It is such a fun feeling to go through my hypothetical days thinking of who I would want to help- what organizations I could help- hospitals- all of that.  There is noooo way I could use all that money on myself day after day after day.  And even if I could, it would be so boring after a while.  Instead of thinking what would I buy- the question switched to how could I bless other people with this money?  What could I do for them?  How could this organization thrive if it could be given such a gift?  How many people could I help?  And how long could I keep doing that?

It is a full-time job just coming up with the lists.  I don't want to simply throw it around to whomever, but I would really plan ahead and discuss what the vision and purpose would be for the money.  And the thought of that intentionality with how I could bless other with this million dollar blessing made me realize... I already have access to that every day.  Not in dollars, but at least in seconds.  No, I am not even a millionaire in those for one day, but I am given both time and people each and every day I can bless.  

Why keep waiting until I have something big, when I can use what I have now in the small time and the small talents I have been given?  And like the parable of the talents- when the faithful servant invests those talents.. that time... in the long run in multiplies and the "360 seconds" spent talking to someone on one day turns into hours which turn into days and years and eventually the small investment does make you a millionaire, at least in the time spent going through life with them. 

And just like the manna- you can't save up your seconds.  When the day is over, so are those seconds.  So I guess the question is what kind of millionaire am I becoming? Is all my time spent on me and what I want, or do I also use it to pour out into others?  Because I won't get it back- what are my seconds being invested in and what are they going to produce? And.. is that your final answer?

The Harvest was Plentiful...

...but I was not! So I have a pea growing follow-up…  they grew!!  Their little tendrils and my makeshift chicken wire growing fence worked.  And my goodness did they grow!  They were as tall as me- it was like a pea jungle out there. At the farmer’s market I even saw that you can eat the pea greens.  I did not try this, but I know now that it is a future possibility. 

So the next lesson I learned is about harvesting.  The peas came in over a period of a week or two.  They were so sweet right off the vine.  My dad told me that peas have some enzyme that makes them start tasting bad or something like that starting as soon as you pick them.  So I was trying to delay picking them until I was exactly ready to eat them or pack them for a snack.  But something horrible happened!  The plants were done.  Peas are a cooler weather crop and as the temperature heated up, the plants were drying up. 

On a Sunday I had tried to pick off a lot of the sweet pods while starting to pull out the plant to make room for my summer plants. I didn’t have enough time and was planning to take care of the rest later in the week.  When I came back to them most of the yummy green juicy pods had turned into tough brown dried out stuff. No, not my peas!!!  I had missed my golden (or green) picking opportunity!  Ugh, I ended up having to toss the plants with a lot of brown pods into the compost heap where they will heat up and rot on down instead of getting to enjoy them.   

Then I realized how true is this of Jesus’ words as he sent out his disciples in Matthew 9:37-38 “Then he said to his disciples, 

“The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸ Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

And in Ecclesiastes 3:2- there is a TIME to harvest. There is a time in people’s lives to invite them into a life with Jesus that we need to be aware of.  Jesus said it- the harvest is there but the workers are few… what does this look like?  We need to be praying more to be aware of our role and the perfect time in harvesting.  It means I can’t wait until I am ready (on my time), but need to be willing to sacrifice instead when the harvest is ready. We need to take advantage of that time and chance we are given- then and there… cause even waiting a few days can lose the opportunity of when that harvest was ready.  I love that my garden teaches me life lessons.  

diVINE

Luke 8:5-15  
“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up.  Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”

When he said this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

 His disciples asked him what this parable meant. He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others I speak in parables, so that,

“‘though seeing, they may not see;
    though hearing, they may not understand.’[a]

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.  Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.  The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.  But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."

I love coming back to this parable time and again.  I love how many agricultural parables and analogies Jesus uses- because plants and people are both things that live and grow.  We can learn a lot from the simple design of plants and how there are a lot of similarities between spiritual growth and plant growth.  I was reminded of this walking along a trail recently.  As summer is coming, the underbrush is leafing out- and what once were clear view paths in the winter are revealing their vibrant leafy views instead.  I think I tend to look past it all usually- but the detail of the woods was more recently put on my heart.  What I usually notice are the trees- they are steadfast, established, tall... they stand out.  What God brought to my attention is all that is on the ground surrounding them... vines, understory bushes and scrubbiness, plants growing into one another where it isn't sure where one ends and the next begins.  

It brought me back to this parable- where the goal is to become a well established, well rooted, growing plant.  But each of those trees that are so tall now once started as a tiny seed which came to that location somehow, it took root and it grew.  It overcame the plants surrounding it- was able to get its required water and nutrients- and it grew.  It didn't get that big over night- but over a lifetime.  BUT just because it was in good soil and reached a certain point did not mean it was smooth sailing.  Still there are vines that grow and try and tear it down even after its established.  And some trees do get taken down by such vines.  It is a constant battle even in a place that seems so serene and peaceful- but looking at these tall pillars, these trees; it is also an encouragement to continue to fight and not let yourself be overcome by all the things around you that would try to tear you down and take away from your life and your goals.  I would rather be a tree seeking and reaching towards the divine, than a vine that tangles and can tear down. I am glad God gives us nature to reveal such complexities of human life in a simple, visible nature lesson.

Tendrils

I really like that word- something delicate and soft.  In this particular case, the tendril of a growing pea plant.  My peas are growing!!  I love how everything about the garden and growth points to God and was used in many of the parables Jesus shared.

Peas can either be bush peas or vine peas.  Bush pea plants grow, yes you guessed it, like a bush.  Vine pea plants need something to grow on.  My peas turned out to be vine peas.  I was a little slow getting a growing surface to them and they started growing along the ground towards one another.  They were just creeping along sideways until they found something they could grow along.  Unfortunately, they found each other instead of a growing surface, and their delicate little tendrils, started wrapping around one another.

I strung some chicken wire across and separated them from each other, starting to help weave them up the wire so they could grow upwards.

I feel like these little pea plants reflect my heart- just sticking little tendrils out looking for something firm and steady to grow upon.  I have been reaching out to other things- be it peplum things, performance, etc, but my tendrils strangle and suffocate those things because they were not meant to support me leaving me on the ground. And in all that I have held them back from growing.

What I am really looking for is a strong, reliable support.  This is a beautiful reminder for me to stop reaching out for people and things, fellow pea plants, to be my support and allow myself to be redirected to the strong support and foundation that God is for us all.

Crappy Soil

The other week I was noticing the top soil I had bought for my garden wasn't looking too hot.  Growing season is approaching and I am getting excited about the potential crop yield I can have- however if my soil is crappy, my plants won't grow well, and then I won't have many delicious backyard vegetables.  This is a big year for my crops- I doubled my growing area and have already overbooked the limited space with plants I hope to grow.

From a book I was reading (listening to really as it was on CD), I learned that adding horse manure can really help boost the nutrients and quality of the soil.  I received some back-up confirmation from a few people and an ad on craigslist offering to deliver horse manure.  Fortunately I have a horse manure hookup via a friend with horses who was kind enough to let me drive over and load the truck up for free.  My manure fork got to live up to it's namesake and my Muck boots felt like they were at home.  I dug up my rock hard top soil and mixed in the new horse manure.  It was exciting to see that some worms and already taken up residence in my future garden.

It was a lot of work- it was messy- and  a lot less smelly than I was anticipating (and kind of hoping for some weird reason).  But I am excited at the prospect of what will grow and use the organic material that was added.  I realized as I was laying awake praying for hearts to be like the "good soil" from the parable in Luke 8:4-15, that in order to make what appears to be normal dirt a good growing place, you gotta mix in some crap!  My initial dirt was pretty crappy- but by adding some actual crap, and  making it "crappier", it is preparing to make be a fertile place for seeds to be planted and grow.

The crap being mixed in is making it a good place for God's seeds to be planted and grow. So for those of you going through some "crappy" times, I am not trying to diminish them nor the pain and the difficulty you are facing, but know that they might be part of the mix for something to grow and flourish where it could not do so before.  I know that I am excited and hopeful for the harvest that might be coming and have a new appreciation for the crappy times that will inevitably come and for the crap that has already been mixed into the soil of my heart and my life, painful and hard at the time, but creating a better place for growth with God in my own life.

Bear Traps

I have had this thought for awhile and just been terrible at finally putting it down in writing. In the lenten quest of trying to deal with area of bitterness and figuring out how to navigate those difficult waters, I feel like I have made little headway.

The longer I am alive, the more opportunities I have to be cranky with people- either for something they did, or didn't do, how they made me feel, lots of things.  Some judgements completely my fault, some things that really were intentionally mean or hurtful, some things that weren't meant to be good or bad but just messed up my plans or that were mis-interpreted. I am a mess!  Are we all like this?

It has been an amazing reminder of my need for constant grace and Jesus' saving as we approach Easter.  Even spending this time focussing on how to give up bitterness, it feels futile.  I know I will get to Easter and still struggle with being bitter towards things and people.  The only way I will have a clean slate is by the forgiveness I received from him paying the penalty for my sins and struggles- and it makes me appreciate it all the more.

The one thing I have become aware of is the bitterness onset- so that will help.  Starting to recognize situations and feelings that are leading me towards bitterness- recognizing I am on a journey and bitterness is like a bear trap. So I can be walking along my path and bitterness is on the way like a bear trap- I can recognize I am bee lining right towards it and go around it, or walk right into it and get hurt. Maybe one day I will get better at disabling the bear trap, but for now identifying and not stepping on it will be a good start!

Disgusting garbage can

Have you ever had a moment where God gives you an actual visual?

God’s word for me this year is breakthrough.  I am excited about that- but nervous because usually breakthroughs come after struggle and/or pain. Lent is coming up and I have to shout out to this blog- http://mtmbibleblog.com/2016/02/02/bible-journaling-tuesdays-to-create-lent/- I am doing my first journaling challenge and have been working through the sections this week.

The area I think I am being called to deal with/overcome this next season is bitterness (with a touch of cynicism and sprinkling of unforgiveness). I was working on coming up with my Philippians 4:8 strategies and steps/truths to focus on when I am tempted to slip back into bitterness.  I thought mine were pretty good, but little did I know God had something even better for me. (Although I really should start catching on to that fact sometime soon I would hope , he always has better ways)

Sitting at my desk this evening I remembered I had been holding onto a piece of paper, hidden and tucked away where only I knew it was and which had taken on the embodiment of some of my bitterness.  I had been holding onto it for a myriad of reasons- in case I needed some kind of proof?  …to use to my advantage in seeking my own revenge? …it was hard to move past or wrap my head around?   None of the reasons good enough to hold onto something weighing you down and feeding you lies- but I knew without a doubt that God wanted me to get rid of it on this path to dealing with bitterness.

I had an internal struggle- I felt like letting go of this needed more… flair, ordeal, pomp, drama… but then I realized that was part of the problem.  I just needed to get rid of it and let it go- not dramatically, just simply release it.  I didn’t want to throw it into a trashbag I thought might get traced back to me though.  So I took it with me to Best Buy on an errand.  (Side note- when I was thinking of a Best Buy trash can I was thinking it wouldn’t be anything too crazy) I think everyone who went in today must have cleaned out their vehicles in the parking lot first.  This trashcan, on a casual Thursday night mind you, was overflowing!  It had spilt sticky liquids, cups, bags, piles on the top and coming out around the sides. I walked up and found the best place to deposit my paper.  There was even a small piece of rolled up carpet shoved in the can, no joke! 

When I got home I started thinking that I could just go back and pick it back out of the trash if I really wanted to- to which I realized God had given me the exact image I needed of my bitterness and baggage to move forward.  It is just like that disgusting heap- there was no way I wanted to go back and dig through that disgust to pick up what I put down.  If it were a pile I perceived to be less disgusting, then maybe I would.  He opened my eyes to see it for the disgustingness it truly was- not the image I had softened it to be to let it sit around festering. While I previously had been holding onto it, it was now where it belonged and I could see it as it is- disgusting garbage. 

I am glad I didn’t make it into my own dramatic ceremony, because that would have taken away from the visual God wanted to show me about the bitterness and unforgiveness I am holding onto.  It is the perfect visual to go to when I am tempted to slip back.- my Philippians 4:8 reminder.