Have you ever had a moment where God gives you an actual visual?
God’s word for me this year is breakthrough. I am excited about that- but nervous because
usually breakthroughs come after struggle and/or pain. Lent is coming up and I
have to shout out to this blog- http://mtmbibleblog.com/2016/02/02/bible-journaling-tuesdays-to-create-lent/-
I am doing my first journaling challenge and have been working through the
sections this week.
The area I think I am being called to deal with/overcome
this next season is bitterness (with a touch of cynicism and sprinkling of
unforgiveness). I was working on coming up with my Philippians 4:8 strategies
and steps/truths to focus on when I am tempted to slip back into
bitterness. I thought mine were pretty
good, but little did I know God had something even better for me. (Although I
really should start catching on to that fact sometime soon I would hope , he
always has better ways)
Sitting at my desk this evening I remembered I had been
holding onto a piece of paper, hidden and tucked away where only I knew it was
and which had taken on the embodiment of some of my bitterness. I had been holding onto it for a myriad of
reasons- in case I needed some kind of proof?
…to use to my advantage in seeking my own revenge? …it was hard to move
past or wrap my head around? None of
the reasons good enough to hold onto something weighing you down and feeding
you lies- but I knew without a doubt that God wanted me to get rid of it on
this path to dealing with bitterness.
I had an internal struggle- I felt like letting go of this
needed more… flair, ordeal, pomp, drama… but then I realized that was part of
the problem. I just needed to get rid of
it and let it go- not dramatically, just simply release it. I didn’t want to throw it into a trashbag I
thought might get traced back to me though.
So I took it with me to Best Buy on an errand. (Side note- when I was thinking of a Best Buy
trash can I was thinking it wouldn’t be anything too crazy) I think everyone
who went in today must have cleaned out their vehicles in the parking lot
first. This trashcan, on a casual
Thursday night mind you, was overflowing!
It had spilt sticky liquids, cups, bags, piles on the top and coming out
around the sides. I walked up and found the best place to deposit my
paper. There was even a small piece of
rolled up carpet shoved in the can, no joke!
When I got home I started thinking that I could just go back
and pick it back out of the trash if I really wanted to- to which I realized
God had given me the exact image I needed of my bitterness and baggage to move
forward. It is just like that disgusting
heap- there was no way I wanted to go back and dig through that disgust to pick
up what I put down. If it were a pile I
perceived to be less disgusting, then maybe I would. He opened my eyes to see it for the
disgustingness it truly was- not the image I had softened it to be to let it
sit around festering. While I previously had been holding onto it, it was now
where it belonged and I could see it as it is- disgusting garbage.
I am glad I didn’t make it into my own dramatic ceremony,
because that would have taken away from the visual God wanted to show me about
the bitterness and unforgiveness I am holding onto. It is the perfect visual to go to when I am
tempted to slip back.- my Philippians 4:8 reminder.
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