Be my sweet harmony

Today at work I was listening to my Spotify playlist while opening iTunes to listen to a different song and inadvertently had the two songs start playing at the same time. I like both of the songs individually, but together it was horrible!

They did NOT compliment one another and these songs were going in completely different directions. It was a good reminder for me and my relationships as I am looking for them, to find someone with a life tune that is a sweet harmony or melody to the tune of my life. To not try and force these completely different sounds together, because we will be one... One song and it can sound beautiful like the fun mashups I like, or horrendous like this afternoons mix up did.

Ungratefulness

What I have been learning...

I am so weak. In a lot of ways despite my weakness, I have been trying to stay with the heart of food month, but some days I have my blowouts. It's mainly weekends where things are different/special events. It's not like anyone else is doing this with me, so I don't want to be the one controlling everyone else's eating opportunities. Then I don't want to miss out on the delicious opportunities either...

Something I thought about tonight, it is alot easier to say no to things when they aren't an option. That seems really obvious now that I have typed it... But what I mean is the luxury I live in makes saying no harder. If I didn't have all the options available it would be alot easier to embrace the great foods I still have available. Instead I have been like Eve and the Israelites, focusing on what I do not have and desiring that instead of being grateful for what I do have.

Praying for a change of heart to gratitude instead of dissatisfaction. It would change so much, help me break down that wall.

Food is my reward...Beagle Status

So today I realized how food motivated I am. Just like a beagle... When I need to get something done, I give myself the promise of something delicious at the end. A good recipe or something I love after a long day of work... A cold beverage for after mowing the lawn... Carryout if I do this workout... etc.

Today it was really hard when I had an appointment that I didn't want to go to, to not reward myself with my usual delicious coffee drink! I was on the edge... Calls were made... I wasn't even sure that I wouldn't take the exit to the coffee shop I wanted to go to. But I didn't! I stayed on the highway and I stayed focused. Ugh, and that was just a baby struggle that was won that I'm celebrating because apparently I'm only capable of little baby steps right now. Making some sweet potato fries to celebrate... I'm afraid I'll blow it celebrating my victory! Dang...

The struggle is real.

So I have been avoiding this post because I just feel so pathetic... After the coffee incident things went downhill in a picnic basket. I have had some victories that we should celebrate, including when my co-workers decided to have an Oreo taste test for like two or three days with all different flavors, that I said no to successfully... I love Oreos. And their new food of the day item on the table, it's always super tempting... Saying no to prosciutto and fried rice... I've been really good at avoiding bread and desserts and a lot of things but I have broadened my taste spectrum beyond my seven items.

Despite some sweet victories, I have also given in a lot also, mainly just in broadening the amount of vegetables I can have because I'm thinking I may have done a bad job picking them. I am still making conscious choices, like this weekend being on the road for a camping weekend. I chose the chicken item but sometimes I'd have the chicken on a salad or if they don't have broccoli or sweet potatoes or avocados as a side picking a vegetable instead of sweet delicious French fries.

The flesh and spirit are weak. Food might definitely be a problem area in this girl's life. Ugh. Then talk about conviction, this was in my Navigators devotion yesterday morning:

"For one thing, they despised the food God gave them and longed for the leeks and garlic of Egypt. By that act, they claimed they knew better than God what was good for them. God was fulfilling His promise to feed them, but they wanted a more interesting menu. Pride and rebellion became a way of life as they doubted God’s power and ridiculed His wisdom. They were constant grumblers because God did not always grant their desires. That was Israel’s sin."

I don't want to be like that, but I am! I can no longer read about Exodus and question how the Israelites turned away from God when he was leading them and feeding them daily, when I'm experiencing the same thing!! Ugh! I am just so weak and prideful and I don't know what to do.

And right now, it's nighttime, I'm hungry, I would have eaten dessert or something like that but I don't want to eat any of the food I have. I'd rather just sit here hungry... This sucks.

God's design of taste buds and the varieties of flavors and all of that is such a gift.

Too much fiber...

It is a thing! Sorry y'all but keeping it real. You might want to skip this read if you don't want to know about my bodily functions.

Oh my goodness, why don't they warn you it works both ways. Not enough fiber... You get backed up... But too much and you also get backed up! I did not know this.

I was meeting up with my friend this evening, and luckily she helps me with all things related to my lower intestine. Bless her heart! I was telling her what my foods where and how if we go to the places she was recommending, she can have whatever she likes, but I just would not partake. That does make me sorry for people  out there with food allergies that simply can't eat places and have to miss out. Eating is such a big part of relationships with me. Hopefully this will help me be more considerate of these issues in the future.

It also made me super self-conscious because I hate being the person that says I can't do that, no I can't do that, no I can't do that. It makes me feel super needy and I don't like being that way, I like to be able to go with the flow and have fun! I don't like making other people cater to my needs, so it was super sweet that she really worked hard to get this to work! It made me definitely appreciate just that little value in her friendship of not doing what only she wants but wanting what's also best for her friend.

I was also telling her how I was having some back pain and she was saying you're probably backed up from all the fiber you've been eating. We ended up going to a doughnut shop and she said I should have a little bit coffee to just get everything moving. I was in pain and I was like, I know that I shouldn't but if this is going to fix the problem I'm in! So we sat and talked for awhile and guys, the coffee worked! I felt my back pain start to go away and then a little while later, hit the bathroom up, and all better! So I'm thinking of reconsidering the black beans for something else as we researched the fiber in each of my foods, and also just mixing a little variety here and there to keep my body from not functioning correctly. Because that's not cool...

And you're welcome for this little public service announcement, now you know!

Whyyyyy food, why?

It's actually difficult to pick out clothes when I can wear anything I want, so weird! Simplicity makes life easier... I wear things more than once. It was nice mowing the lawn and not worrying about my only clothes smelling like motor.

On the other hand... I don't think I am going to survive this month. This food thing is super sucky. And takes so much planning. At the risk of actually making it this month, I might add a few more items. And seasoning.... although the black beans have been good. They take me back to study abroad in Brazil days.

#thefleshisweak