Provision

Provision. I've been really convicted this week on how I don't live a life that trusts in God's provision. I hoard little things and cast judgmental glances when it seems like something I've accounted for is being used up. It's all some illusion of control I seek after and fulfill in self-made abundance. 

Being in quarantine has helped me realize that some of the best things come from my lack of abundance. It does not mean God's provision is lacking. He has given me abundantly everything that I need. I just try to supplement it with the things that I think I need. Lack of the abundance I desire produces creativity... It produces gratefulness... It leads to problem solving... And delight in new ways and recipes. 

What seems like lack to me, is my distrust in God's provision by seeking to be God in my life by providing all my needs. 

Dying does not equal Heaven

I have a hot take here. I know the heart behind it is to bring peace and help deal with grieving, but saying someone is in heaven when they are not is not helping.

I wrestled with this alot between school shootings and a friend being killed,  knowing they did not all have faith. When held accountable before the Lord, He doesn't look at the list of good things, He demands payment for your sinfulness (which we all have). Nothing but belief in Jesus and his blood will cover it. 

It sucks, but not all of them are in heaven. That is a hard pill to swallow . To act like they are cheapens God and his justice system. It warps our understanding of heaven and eternity . To act like they are in heaven numbs me to the reality that anyone I have a relationship needs the to know the truth about their sinfulness and need for Jesus.

I will be accountable one day for the time I was blessed to spend with them and how I used it. Was it pointing them to truth and eternity at some point? Or was it spent in a comfort zone of meaningless things in the realm of eternity? They will be accountable before God for their heart. 

But just because someone dies, does not mean they go to heaven, and that is rough. 

Memorial Day

This is a thought I have been having recently and Memorial Day seemed like a good day to present it. I read through David's life in the Bible this spring... he was a soldier, a fighter, a leader, and a victor. The women used to sing, "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands," in 1 Samuel 18:7. He was also artistic, musical, creative, and danced in the streets. He led men that were loyal and kept fighting for him their whole lives.

I have also recently been reading and watching documentaries about World War 2- where many fought and were killed. We honor them this Memorial Day; seeing the horrors of the war adds more emphasis to their sacrifice and it saved many. I cannot imagine living through that time.

What I know, is many soldiers suffered a lot from what they saw and war changed them. As I feel it would any person who experiences it. I am just curious if the hand-to-hand style combat of David's time had different psychological impacts than the machine warfare of the modern age? Or if no matter what the time period, there are people who are career soldiers, and those who step up when they are called? No matter what, war will change a person, but especially more so those who step up in a needed time, but that is not their passion.

Thank you to all who have stepped up and paid the ultimate price. You are so brave- you fought and gave it all for what you believe. Thank you.

The Head is not in line with the Heart...

What I know is God created and owns everything. What my actions and habits show, is that I do not trust him. My heart is not aligned with my brain. I do not believe in his abundance. I have way more of a tendency to store up instead of empty out. I'm not even guaranteed tomorrow, but my actions declare a desire for security over a lifestyle of trust. Here's to stepping out on an adventure to cultivate trust in God's abundance. 

The Beautiful Temple

I have been reading the Bible chronologically this year, and have recently been in the book of 1 Kings. I have been awed by the process of the temple being built. It is something I honestly never paid the closest attention to, but a trip to Israel in August (that was cancelled by Corona) has made me more in tune with locations of actual events and buildings.

Today I was reading 1Kings 5-6 in which Solomon is building the temple. The temple is to be the first permanent home of the Lord. 

What I am struck by is how the actual temple was built in comparisson to how we, the new temple are built. It is so similar and so beautiful. The temple location was a place where David came face to face with the reality and gravity of his sin. The temple location was bought because it was the threshing floor where the angel of the Lord was exacting the penalty of his sin; conducting a census. David chose the plague as punishment, but God met him here and agreed to end it. He had to buy this place and God told him it would be the location of the temple. 

The symbolism of a threshing floor is so perfect. A place where wheat (us) is tossed into the air so the usable part falls, and the rest blows away. It is the truth of us coming face to face with our sin, and choosing God.  It is the first step. Are we the wheat or the chaff?

At this location where we have been threshed, God builds his temple. It was not just enough to admit and repent our sin, but then there comes a building and refining process. 

Solomon builds a magnificent temple in this place. He uses materials David had saved as well as wood from Tyre and the workmanship of a skilled craftsmen. This is what is so true of the new temple being built. He builds on our foundation from the time we are accepted on the threshing floor into something beautiful. As the walls are coated in gold, a refining process is occuring on site within is. Removing the dross is part of the beautiful process that is being performed. 

And when Solomon finished... And the old temple was built, it was something magnificent to behold. That is what is happening in us through our lives. You are being transformed into a beautiful temple.

Elements of Life

Have you ever realized that all living things are is a combination of light, water, and coding? At our most basic we are all light- plants are at the bottom of every food chain and they use their genetic coding to turn light and water into food and beauty. That makes God the greatest coder of all time- the original. 

 When I think of life I also think of warmth as an element. Things that are alive have light, water, and warmth. 

Strawberries

Weber's Farm has grown the best strawberries my father and I have ever tasted this year. They are perfectly sweet and flavored, bright red, and delicious. My dad crushed an entire quart in less than a day. I tried to pace myself a little more by cutting them up and refrigerating. But nothing beats them fresh and right out of the carton.

Freshly picked fruits and vegetables are the best. So much better than the ones they pick while they are still not ripe and ship so we can enjoy them. The flavors and sweetness are just different. I realized this in all my travels... having fresh picked and squeezed orange juice in Brazil. Nothing compares. Then having fresh pineapple from Uganda... amazing. And then fresh coconut water in Puerto Rico... my word. These things are so so good.

I wonder how many fruits and vegetables have gone extinct before anyone even kept track. How many sweet things there will be to taste and enjoy when the earth is restored. How exciting!

Simplification

Being in Covid quarantine has made me realize the sweet blessing of simplification. Simplification in where my time is spent... in how many things I need to have... in my clothing choices... I realize the fact that I am at all in a position to have these luxuries says a lot about how blessed I am and that I am not making the difficult choices others around the world are dealing with simply to keep from starving.

Looking back over different stages of my life, I can honestly say I have been the happiest and most fulfilled when my living situation was one of simplification. I think back to college, being a camp counselor, and as an intern in a different state. In all these situations I had some choice things that I owned, but was not burdened by a plethora of "things" I had to maintain. I was not worried about where my food was coming from. The richness of those times was in the relationships I was able to form and that I was surrounded by because of the simplification in the other areas.

What I have seen these past weeks is when I let go of the fear of needing to control how my needs are going to be met and open up my schedule, I am once again in a sweet time of simplification. The turning down the volume of the "have this and do everything" voice we have in our ear has allowed my to be in tune with and hear so much more around me. Sounds and conversations that are usually sacrificed to the busy are being heard and happening. Relationships are deepening and coming back at the center. As I enter into my own simplification, I am awed by God.

Jesus, Engineer and Tree Expert

I have been laying, looking up at trees a lot this week. Sounds weird I know... A majority of those times have been the result of being in a hammock though. One time was the result of being tired after working all week, then immediately mowing the lawn and needing a break. I just laid down on the driveway staring up at the tree branches and started thinking, I wonder if Jesus ever did this while he was having moments alone in the garden with God. 

It must be so cool to look up at something you made the design plans for. That you engineered together and see it functioning in all its glory and magnificence. We learned the biology of a tree in college, how water and nutrients flow. It is so impressive. As an engineer, I stare at the branches and marvel at how far they can grow and still be strong and stable. Even strong enough to support the weight of by body in a hammock. They are an engineering feat, and they grow that way by design. 

How unique and special for creator and designer to enter his creation not just as an observer, but in reality and fullness. To eat from trees, use them as important lessons, and be ultimately be hung on one. 

to give is better than to receive

I know it shouldn't take a worldwide pandemic and hundreds of thousands of lives lost to have these most basic of revelations... But giving really is the sweetest of things. To realize I have way too much and all I have is a gift. The time that I live in, that I can even have a job, and the luxuries I have; all a gift. 

To sit here and realize I have far too much and no need to go around buying more "stuff" for myself... To be cut off from some of the routines that cause frivolous spending... And to see what joy it is in bringing gifts and tokens of appreciation to others. The return is far better than the money and time put in. 

I hope I don't forget this. Especially as things start to shift back to "usual" and as our team participated in the World Vision global 6k today for those that don't even have the basic provision of clean water.

Help me be less selfish with the blessings you've given me. 

Friday!

Friday!  It is so weird how great Friday feels. The moment I shut the work station down, I feel so free. It is completely unlike any other day of the week. The stress of not having anything the next day is like floating away on a balloon. I can breathe a little deeper, think a little clearer, and relax. It is the giant exhale of the week. Even though I do a lot of things Saturday, it is just refreshing.

We are MADE to eat Relationships

I have been part of this AMAZING group of individuals on Thursday nights via Zoom. They are located all over the USA and Canada. They are strong, passionate leaders... who are growth-oriented and curious. We occasionally have guest speakers, and tonight we had the legend Chip Dodd. I have PAGES of notes from his ~30 minutes of sharing. But what really rang most true to me, is how we are made to eat relationships. How trees and plants thrive with nutrients, warmth, water, and soil- humans thrive on relationships. It is so true about me. My biggest hurts come when I feel like relationships are off and not quite right. And honestly, usually it is me who is broken. Healthy relationships, sharing hopes, dreams, feelings, and life- they feed my soul and make me feel loved and in community. Anyone else!? He helped teach me how to be a healthier version of myself so I can be healthier at "eating".

Storytelling Life

Life with and alongside people is telling the same story, over and over again. I realized that today as I was catching up with a friend. Friendship and life is telling your people about your life over and over again. It is telling the same story. Sometimes once I tell it once to one friend, I feel like telling it again is redundant. But if I am to keep everyone in the loop- I need to tell the story again and again. I always want to hear their stories and would be robbed of a piece of their life if they stopped telling it. I am grateful for the people and the small loop that wants to listen to my stories, and that I get to hear their stories.

But also it is a good reminder to make your story a good one!

Both and...

The last two weeks I have been mulling over this idea that Oswald Chambers calls out in his devotional "My Utmost for His Highest". The idea that kept repeating is spontaneity and how love is spontaneous. (Here is the link to one of them: Spontaneous Love) The definition of spontaneous (adjective) is as follows:

1. performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus

It was pretty convicting as I realized I have gotten more into the habit of planning my 'fun' and 'loving' times around my own schedule, attitude, and feelings. Instead of letting them happen naturally, I was eliminating spontaneity with the goal of manufacturing a time for a feeling and a vibe. Ew! That is so gross! It is the opposite of loving; it is forced, can be fake, and is probably hurtful to those on the receiving end. In order to make sure it was there, instead of letting it happen spontaneously, I tried to control it and force it to occur within a certain window. 

That takes away so much of the beauty of love. I am not saying it is not good to set aside intentional times with God and our loved ones, just that those times should not be the only source of them receiving love and attention from us. They need to know they are loved outside of just those scheduled moments. And it hit me, we simultaneously need to be disciplined in order to be spontaneous. A 'both and' situation. The definition of disciplined (adjective) is as follows:

1. showing a controlled form of behavior or way of working.

They are opposites so it seems so counterintuitive that both need to work together. I can be at either extreme, but to hold both simultaneously seems so strange. The quotes from the devotional this morning that made that ring clear were, 

"The right thing to do with godly habits is to immerse them in the life of the Lord until they become such a spontaneous expression of our lives that we are no longer aware of them...Your god may be your little Christian habit— the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what the habit symbolizes...Love means that there are no visible habits— that your habits are so immersed in the Lord that you practice them without realizing it." 

In order for us to love spontaneously, we need to practice the discipline of healthy habits. Habits that cannot become our own god or justification in themselves, but that are crucial to our growth. Habits that become part of who we are. We need to be spontaneous in how we feel and respond in love, but also have a lifestyle formed by discipline and habits that helps us be able to go deeper in relationship. Those disciplines and habits cannot become our god, causing us to write off and avoid spontaneity because we have to give up or control. It is both and, like God. Alpha AND Omega. Beginning AND end. Here's to balance!