Getting your ducks in a row...

This is Dawdle. Dawdle Duck is his full name. He is so photogenic and belongs to my sister's "Funky Flock". 

It's funny I got to see him today because the phrase that I felt over the day was "get your ducks in a row". 

We spent the evening eating dinner and watching the ducks and chickens run around. Let me tell you, it would be no small feat to get ducks in a row. They seem to do it much better when they're babies, but as adults they are hilarious and not the most coordinated creatures. 

What I realized about getting my "ducks" in a row is that you have to start that process some time prior to when you actually want them in order. It's kind of like the taking the next step and finding the next trail blaze mentality. Rome wasn't built in a day, so when you feel the pull to do something big, obey the smaller pulls to start getting the smaller things in order that will make that big thing happen. When God puts these smaller things on my mind, I am going to go for them because they are part of making the bigger thing happen.

Some more of the Funky Flock for your viewing pleasure...

This is Cheeks. She is cross-beaked.

This is Louisa.

This is Scoops.

And here's some more of the gang...

Dream Job but... Gameshow

Come on down! Welcome to this new game show, we offer you dream scenarios but there is a stipulation and you have to decide if you will accept it or not. Dream job but...fill in a stipulation. I am sure this is some kind of game people play. Life and decisions seem so much easier inside a game or in a vacuum. Where the decisions you make don't really affect anyone and you can just choose what you want, no side effects. But alas, that is not how life works, and if it did, it would probably be pretty boring. 

Right now I am considering what seems like such a perfect fit opportunity, but I have to leave everything and everyone that has been my life behind. I have done it for a short time before, but this would be somewhat more permanent. Yes, I know this is a parable, or like two combined into one. These decisions just seem so hard. (Note to self: go reread the trail blazes post about just going to the next blaze and not looking for one 25 blazes ahead) 

I am grateful for a coaching session that helped me come up with a framework ahead of time in order to be able to judge opportunities with more objectivity on a value system I had pre-established. What I underestimated is how strong the gravitational pull of some things can be like the known, comfort, friends, family, etc. Until you are faced with things, you don't always know how deeply they have rooted into you. But for now, I will commit it to prayer, listening, and taking the next step. 

Look for the Helpers...

This is a famous quote from Fred Rogers' mother. It goes,"My mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.”

Today I happened to be looking out my front window for a brief minute when I saw a man walking down the sidewalk. He couldn't see me. I watched as a plastic bag blew right into his ankle, and instead of ignoring it and continuing on, he stopped, picked it up, and proceeded to put it into his pocket. It was something so incredibly simple yet it really touched me. No matter how crazy things may seem, there are even the smallest most minute ways to help if you look for them. He did not do this be noticed or draw attention to himself, simply because that was the right thing to do.

A lot of times I think we imagine needing to do something big and extravagant to be a helper, but we don't. We just need to do the simplest of things that show love and concern. 

The other thing I found to be true about the helpers, is often times there are people who want to help and don't know how. In planning a special event for a friend, what I found is people wanted to do something nice, but did not know how to go about that. They just needed a little framework and an invitation. So sometimes, our role is setting up something that enables others to help. Our helping begets helping begets helping. 

So in these crazy times, look for the helpers, be the helpers, and help show others how to be helpers.

Holy Spirit Trail Blazes

I have been hiking a lot more during the pandemic. I really like it, I love getting out into nature and being surrounded by trees like I mentioned before. My fear usually is that I will get lost... So conveniently a lot of trails have these little squares painted on trees, which are called trail blazes. They mark the trail so that you can follow it, and they have different symbols for when the trail turns directions to make you aware. 

I took a picture of these blazes today. I tried to hike the same trail about a month ago. I had done it before but in the opposite direction. So this time I was doing the loop in reverse. When I tried to do it a couple months ago, I got completely lost. I thought I knew what I was doing, and I followed a trail that I thought looked familiar without paying attention to the blazes. It kind of dead ended and I had no idea where I was. So I had to turn around and go out the way that I came. 

Today, I went for it again. The same reverse route. But where I got off course last time, I looked up and realized it was clearly marked on the trees. I needed to turn a little left where I went straight the time before. I walked that trail and followed those blazes, and let me tell you, walking in reverse and trusting my memory was nothing like what I thought the trail was. 

Luckily, the blazes are spaced far enough apart that you can keep following, and when there's a change in direction it's clearly noted. You can't see a blaze that's a mile ahead on the trail, and who knows how many times you will turn before you get to that point. Knowing where that blaze is, but not knowing where the next 10 in front of you are is not of any help. You need to just follow the next blaze that is ahead of you. Once you get there, look for the next blaze. Keep going step by step, blaze by blaze.

What I realized is this is perfectly analogous to my walk with God right now. I just need to take the next step that's in front of me. A lot of times I think we want to know where the "big moment" blazes are, a mile or two out. But knowing that doesn't help us get there. In fact, it makes me a little more anxious thinking of all the things that have to get done to get there. 

What we need is the next blaze, and then the next blaze, so that we can get to the big moment without getting lost and without missing a step. Sure, there's a chance we might be able to just create our own trail through the woods towards that marker. But that takes us through a lot harder terrain that isn't marked, and with the potential to get even more lost and then not know how to get back. 

God has laid out a unique trail for us that makes sense and takes us through the things we need at elevation changes that work for us specifically. The Holy Spirit is like the blazes along the way, showing us what the next step is and then the next step. So embrace your trail, and follow your blazes, one step at a time! 

The Actual Picture

Today I sat in one of my favorite local places. It is a historic site which has been turned into a National Park. There are preserved slave houses and it is part of the history they share and tell on the tours. I have attended special events and want to understand. I come and walk the grounds often, but today I sat and had a breakfast picnic. 

As I sat there, I tried to apply and take to heart the history of our black brothers and sisters that I have been trying to more deeply learn and empathize with. I want to get outside my sphere of understanding and see more sides to the story that has been told. History is such a weird thing, as we often paint it with a broad brush. We hear the "winners" side and the rest of the story gets lost. Not all people on one side are bad nor do they all have evil motives- and not all people on the other side are good, nor do they all have pure motives. I am so glad I am not the one to judge people.

I appreciate places like this that try to tell the whole story- they have been met with resistance, but I think the most important thing we can do is tell every side. To seek to teach so that others can understand the whole picture. To not dismiss a point of view because it does not line up with the pretty picture we want to imagine. What I hope moving forwards is that I do not accept the pretty picture of history, and miss out on understanding others life experiences and mistreatment in the ordeal. Hoping to learn and grow.

Yoke Lifts!

So I am on an oxen kick apparently. Today it is dealing with the yoke that is usually put upon them to get work done. One of my prayers during quarantine has been putting the yoke I create for myself back on him and trusting Jesus with the burden. I tend to create a yoke that I was not meant to carry by adding things I need to figure out and make happen on my own. Matthew 11:29-30 says

" Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Where I try to muscle through and wear myself out, I am practicing giving that back. Today I had a moment where I realized it happening and was so grateful. My mastermind scheduling was hitting a dead end on the small windows of time I had to get things done. As I kept praying over them and giving them to God this week, instead of trying to manipulate and figure out on my own, He opened the perfect window of opportunity. Better than I could have even anticipated. 

He is so kind and so sweet- but it takes discipline and continually giving up my agenda, schedule, and control. Like he says, the yoke is much easier and I feel filled with so much more joy. I also like the idea of this like a gym workout- ha- keeping the muscles strong by lifting it to him each time I take it back.

Ms Independent

Independence is something that is revered here. Being able to do it all on your own- get it done- push through- not need anyone. I think it is something I have strived for and found pride and identity in. Not being too weak that I am unable to move things around on my own... not needing help to keep everything running... the list goes on. As I realize there is something I am not equipped to manage, I work on finding a way to muscle through and figure it out.

Being a hard-worker is simultaneously a good thing, but also I think it can cause us to miss out on a more full experience. I am able to accomplish a lot on my own, but it is incomplete. I bypass the messiness of other's opinions, but also the richness of added insight and ideas that may be better. I get it done, but it takes twice as long and I am way more tired. It reminds me of Proverbs 14:4 which says," Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest."

Independence may be cleaner, but you only get a tiny harvest. The presence of ox and others may be messy, but it is so much richer. I want to embrace that messiness more instead of trying to take the easy path. I tend to avoid hard situations or neediness, but I think I am really missing out doing life that way. Working on becoming more of a Ms. Dependent!

The Neuralyzer

In case you do not know what that word is, it is the top secret device used in Men in Black which emits the white flash and erases people's memory. I have always loved being outdoors, but the times we are in now between quarantine and some things reopening, have really driven me to nature. I have no desire to go in a store or restaurant for now. My favorite thing has been the increased number of walks and the ability to socialize for free by going on a hike or walk with others. Or by myself.

My friend the other day verbalized my exact thoughts about being in the woods, it is so calming. There is something about simply stepping into the forest from the world that brings an immediate calmness and feeling of peace. I have no idea why, but it reminds me of the Neuralyzer. When I am there, its like my mind is erased of the negative aspect of things that were burdening me or weighing me down. I have more clarity thinking through situations and the weight just feels lifted.

I am so grateful for parks and woods during this time (and always) to be able to run to and be reminded of my own smallness. To be reminded of the greater narrative happening all around me. My neuralyzer.

Be a sugar packet

Sweet tea. Very popular in the south, and very well made by McDonald's. But the problem is, I have come to like unsweet tea. So I ordered my unsweet from McDonald's, but turns out they gave me sweet. Sigh. 

The solution to making it taste less sweet was mixing it with a huge pitcher I had in the fridge. You want to know what happened though? It made the whole pitcher taste really sweet! When you have gotten used to plain tea, a little sugar goes a long way. 

This simple fact is sad but true in the world today. We have gotten so used to living in a way that is pretty bland and bitter. One where we need to be self-reliant and make everything happen on our own. We don't pay attention to others and their struggles because we feel like we don't need them. But this darkness we are in also sets up the perfect "pitcher" for the smallest amounts of sweetness and hope. A small kind act goes a long way during times like now. So let yourself be a sugar packet and find a way to sweeten even one person's day.

Junkyard Forest

A rhythm I've become more disciplined with during quarantine has been a Sunday prayer walk in the woods. It helps bring calmness and peace in me. I usually go to the same park, and walk similar trails. Sometimes I check out something new I stumble across, but I have walked most of them before. The main thing that changes is the seasons.

I remember the first time I walked this  path a few years back and came across this old, falling apart car. It seemed so weird to just be in the middle of the woods, you can see the frame, you can even see some of the blue paint. I love old things so I thought it was so cool!

Recently I've taken to a new trail and I have walked that most of quarantine. Today I was walking it, and I saw probably four or five car skeletons. Just sitting in the woods! I have walked past there so many times and I have never noticed them. It's blowing my mind that they have been there this whole time and I have not noticed.

There is so much peace being in nature and looking at the trees and what's going on, that apparently I missed this junkyard forest going on around me. The juxtaposition of an old man-made creation being overtaken by the lush green vegetation is beautiful. I like the image that gives me about my relationship with God. 

Nature keeps going and keeps growing. We have acted on our own desires a d made choices outside of Him, you know man-made. These decisions are part of our forest, but the work He's doing is so much greater. It overpowers and overshadows the things of the past. There's a restoration, and he doesn't let those define us. They are part of our forest and they make us unique, but they're not strong enough or big enough to thwart his master plan. 

So now I will be reminded that I am a junkyard forest too as I stumble across them in the future.

The Water Cycle

That bad boy is my job! Literally... as a storm water engineer, the water cycle keeps me employed. Much obliged. But something about the water cycle and my faith clicked this week.  I was running along a trail and there was one of those beautiful rock boulder walls along the side. This trail used to be a rail line so it has those walls of rock outcroppings that grow over with moss and have water coming down in little falls depending on how recently it rained. It was quite lovely and captured my attention.

It took be back to a book I have read a couple times called "Hind's Feet in High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. The water is described so beautifully and with a song that all the droplets sing together as they perfectly flow. (Water Song) Taking in the mini falls and having that memory come to mind, made me see we are all like water droplets. Part of a bigger cycle and system because water that is alive is moving. In life we are moving forward with time. Sometimes our role as a droplet is to become part of something growing and be taken up by a tree. We are a part of for a while, until respirated out, and continue on our journey. That gave me peace because it is okay to stay where you are sometimes and then there is a time to be released, and move on to the next part of the cycle.

A droplet can do so much on its own, but they are stronger together and can be a truly magnificent force. They go through so many places as part of the cycle, and do it over and over again. How lovely to think of the single droplet and its purpose. 

I took a walk

It is the same walk I have been taking every morning during my quarantine work week. I start the day with a lap around the block praying for the day. The only difference today was that Tuesday I did that walk barefoot.

It was not intentional, but more just from a place of defeat. My morning had an abrupt start when my car geek neighbor decided to (obnoxiously I feel...) work on his motorcycle at 6:30 am, so the sounds of a weak motor started my day (imagine hammering type sound every couple minutes). Then as I was preparing my iced coffee, the glass pitcher fell out of the fridge and broke, spilling coffee and glass shards all around my feet. The "early" head start Mr. Motorcycle had given me was spent with a trash bag, paper towels, and a broom. Which really worked to magnify the Cinderella-type house-working feelings that are apparently bubbling deep within me. Then the morning routine was thrown off as my roommate came up and started using the kitchen (which is fine, it is just the only day that has happened in weeks so it through my morning routine off) so I defeatedly grabbed what was unspilled of my coffee and headed outside without shoes. It was the perfect storm of a morning.

I just went for it, barefoot. While I do love being barefoot, this was not about enjoyment purposes. What I found as I walked without shoes is that you walk slower and more deliberately. Pretty much every step is calculated and felt. You pay much more attention to what lies ahead and what could go wrong. Whereas with my shoes on every other morning, I feel far more protected. I just go for it, I am not looking for small pieces of glass or stones along the way. Even the way my foot strikes the ground is different. Which lines up, because when I have on field boots, I feel pretty invincible.

While I am not in a position to personally speak to this, what I am doing is trying understand and learn. From my friends and trusted voices I have been seeking out during the past months and Blackout Tuesday, it seems the barefoot walk is one my brothers and sisters of color make everyday. They don't have the luxury of feeling protected and like they can go where they want at the speed they want. They need to be careful, thoughtful, and deliberate in their steps and in route. Even walking the same route, they are more aware of the danger that does not hold the shoed foot back. And this revelation is something I want to hold and respect about our journeys in all my interactions.

Little Black Square

Today many people posted a picture of a black square on their social media. It's to stand in solidarityrl with the murder of George Floyd. While I support outrage of this being wrong, I struggled with the idea of posting one myself. To just post a picture of a small back square seems like putting a Band-Aid on a festering wound that needs desperate medical attention. I see that it brought attention to many though, so that is a good thing. 

To me posting feels like trying to cover up and heal something without spending any time on the root cause. So my hope is that these little back squares aren't the full momentum of everyone's action, and that they represent a stepping stone towards researching, learning, listening, and building connections that will influence real change. My hope is that these are not the end. 

Abundance

This is a word I am working on. I love abundance, but the abundance I love is usually one I create. As I meditate on this word, what I have realized is I am far less of a fan of trusting in God's abundance. I think I know what I want or what I will want in the future, and I like to provide plenty of it so as not to run out. Easy access to craft supplies, project materials, ingredients, clothes, etc. Even if I am getting them on sale or secondhand, that is alot of effort, time, money, and space put into creating a safety net of abundance around me so as not to feel the squeeze of 'not enough'.  I plan to keep enough so I won't be in need and I see people using or taking my stuff as a threat to my calculated abundance.

What I have been coming to notice is it is of fear and not trusting God (at least for me). Instead of believing the smaller amount will be enough and letting God meet me with the rest, I push Him out of the equation. Instead of freely giving as someone asks, I question how my giving will impact my future supplies. What I have been realizing in quarantine as I step back from the ability to provide exactly what I want or need, is there is room for creativity. In the lack of everything I think I want, I have way more than enough. I buy far more than I need out of a desire to control my circumstances. It is so silly, everything I have came from Him in the first place. He has already given me abundantly, but I stole the credit and took away my own resources by spending too much on myself.

So this is me letting you know, I have been working on my attitude of trust and giving out of the desire to trust God and his abundance; believing He will provide everything I need, not myself.