It is December!

I love December! Kind of sad November is over challenge wise, because the media was kind of nice and I was getting used to it. Today I listened to the radio going to work, a pastor I like to listen to in the morning. It took me awhile to remember some of my passwords... And then it just seemed like too much to try and keep up with.

People coming from all directions. And then I was thinking, what if I just do it again?  More media pausing. I really wanted my Spotify Christmas playlist though... And now I can finally see how Sherlock ends. And get some Psych DVDs from the library...

December is possessions month. That means I am going to get 7 things away, every day! I realize the hard part of this is actually doing it. I'm really excited about the actual giving things away part because I have far too much stuff. Some people call me a borderline hoarder... But I just have a creative mind and see lots of uses for things that other people don't and then find it hard to get rid of!

The exciting part about this is that it is the month of Christmas, so picking good things to give away will be cool. Ideally, it will also keep me from wanting to buy lots of stuff for myself as I realize how much I already have and the capacity I have to bless people I have already accumulated.   I've been trying to find a good organization to give things to that will help people the most.

Happy Thanksgiving!

To be honest, I have not been feeling it this year... The no media thing is going well for the most part with the ones that I've given up. I apologized to my Words With Friends friends about the lack of games. It's pretty nice to not have to worry about posting my life on Snapchat and Instagram, although sometimes I miss sharing the fun / beautiful / delicious things that I'm doing, making or eating but that's okay, the world doesn't need to know.  (something I would have  shared though is this public service announcement- rutabagas need to be peeled before you eat them!) Although I do miss the approval I get sometimes from Instagram world... I've gotten so much of my house and yard under control and moving in the direction I want them to be headed.

One fun thing that happened as a result is my discovery of this podcast by Annie F. Downs (http://www.anniefdowns.com/category/that-sounds-fun-podcast/). I love it! It makes it hard because I want to follow all the people she interviews on Instagram but I'm not on Instagram currently. We are both very similar in personality and I love listening to it because I feel like it's a conversation that I would want to have with all of these fun people that she knows and I wish I knew! It's like she's living my dream life... But she has helped get me super pumped for my upcoming Nashville trip next month!

Despite my cranky attitude about Thanksgiving, I did take the morning to reflect sometimes the things I have to be thankful for so that's been a good thing. I'm excited for what this next year holds! And I've also decided that I'm going to start celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving as my own little tradition, it's in early October! How perfect is that... Then I don't need to feel guilty about putting my Christmas decorations up!

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

I'm getting so much done!

At least it feels that way... Without the things I distract myself with there is alot of time to get done the things I want to but run out of time for... Guys, I wrapped some Christmas presents today! How crazy right?!

I've put some thought into gift making and gift coordinating with all this time. It's peaceful to feel ordered. I made chili for the week and conquered a breakfast recipe I'd been wanting to try. I've been better at research and planning- things I usually get overwhelmed by and distract myself with media instead. Yet I've realized I kind of like this planning thing without my distractions!

I crossed new restaurants off my bucket list. It's been good! I miss radio...

Cake Walk

Literally and figuratively. I am pigging out on missed candy and foods, which makes media month seem like a piece of cake in comparison. I can drown any bit of sorrow with delicious food.

I have caught myself wanting to scroll through Instagram many a time, which has led me to different avenues for mental breaks at work. It's made me actually be able to get the stuff done I should be getting done! Cleaning rooms... Reading... Laundry... Crafts... Planning! Crazy.... My sister and I are at a cliff hanger waiting to see the last episode of Sherlock until December, but we have some plans to learn a dance or something so that will be fun.

That said, I did have an internal panic when my phone just died all this evening. I mean...  I only have a few things, you can't take them all away! But thankfully it came back. Phew!

No-media November

This is no media month...after fail-tober I don't want November to be so bad I just quit, but I also don't want it to be so easy no ground is gained. I don't want to be super legalistic about everything either so I am trusting the challenges these will bring even if I'm not living on some media island bubble this month.... And I have a friend coming alongside to do a media fast month too so it is nice having someone to talk to and lament/celebrate with!! That will certainly help!

That said, Instagram, Snapchat, words with Friends/phone games all shut down. My aol like thing at work, shut down. No Netflix/Hulu/library rental TV shows... The radio is dead to me... As is Google Hangouts. I am not sure how to deal with podcasts and such as I plan to read and get books on CD and they are similar... But I'm going to be focusing on "is this taking me away from God being the focus right now?", as a means of deciding...

Here we go. Day one was hard realizing how often I like to look at pretty pics on Instagram and get wonderlust from all the travel pics.

No-media November

This is no media month...after fail-tober I don't want November to be so bad I just quit, but I also don't want it to be so easy no ground is gained. I don't want to be super legalistic about everything either so I am trusting the challenges these will bring even if I'm not living on some media island bubble this month.... And I have a friend coming alongside to do a media fast month too so it is nice having someone to talk to and lament/celebrate with!! That will certainly help!

That said, Instagram, Snapchat, words with Friends/phone games all shut down. My aol like thing at work, shut down. No Netflix/Hulu/library rental TV shows... The radio is dead to me... As is Google Hangouts. I am not sure how to deal with podcasts and such as I plan to read and get books on CD and they are similar... But I'm going to be focusing on "is this taking me away from God being the focus right now?", as a means of deciding...

Here we go. Day one was hard realizing how often I like to look at pretty pics on Instagram and get wonderlust from all the travel pics.

Fail-tober

Well, that was hard.

In short, I learned I like food and I like variety. It was hard having to have the same things over and over again even if I modified them to different cooking styles and flavors. It would suck to have super restrictive allergies or to live in a super restricted food area. I get that it's good to have any food in those situations, but my heart was not in a place of gratitude that it needed to be for food. Today, I had ice cream for lunch and it was great! I'm planning all the foods I want to get this month that I couldn't this month. I really want sushi...

It also gives me an appreciation for food poverty zones, when you only have so many things and making them in unhealthy ways tastes so much better! So I can see you I maybe they are the healthiest of situations...

Oddly, the more difficult situation this month was the sickness I had the last week or so. That brought out a lot of personal issues, mainly not being able to talk and having to wear my glasses for a week. Growing up with glasses I love having contacts now and I usually don't wear them out, so having to do that it was a real image struggle but I had no other choice. And what oddly seemed to better was my having no voice. Pink eye, ear stuff, laryngitis... Real winner.

It made me consider what I wanted to spend my few words per day on a lot more than I ever have because my throat would swell up and hurt every time I talked. I definitely say a lot of things that I don't need to say and take something as simple as talking and expressing my thoughts for granted. Although it did help with the food situation because I had a lot of chicken soup...

It was really cool driving back from a long way away when I normally would sing my songs, to instead silently pray through some of the lyrics. I had never done that and it was really cool!

So in short, I did learn a lot this month but it did not feel like a success :/ even though it was in it's own way. A heart of gratitude makes things go way better.

Be my sweet harmony

Today at work I was listening to my Spotify playlist while opening iTunes to listen to a different song and inadvertently had the two songs start playing at the same time. I like both of the songs individually, but together it was horrible!

They did NOT compliment one another and these songs were going in completely different directions. It was a good reminder for me and my relationships as I am looking for them, to find someone with a life tune that is a sweet harmony or melody to the tune of my life. To not try and force these completely different sounds together, because we will be one... One song and it can sound beautiful like the fun mashups I like, or horrendous like this afternoons mix up did.

Ungratefulness

What I have been learning...

I am so weak. In a lot of ways despite my weakness, I have been trying to stay with the heart of food month, but some days I have my blowouts. It's mainly weekends where things are different/special events. It's not like anyone else is doing this with me, so I don't want to be the one controlling everyone else's eating opportunities. Then I don't want to miss out on the delicious opportunities either...

Something I thought about tonight, it is alot easier to say no to things when they aren't an option. That seems really obvious now that I have typed it... But what I mean is the luxury I live in makes saying no harder. If I didn't have all the options available it would be alot easier to embrace the great foods I still have available. Instead I have been like Eve and the Israelites, focusing on what I do not have and desiring that instead of being grateful for what I do have.

Praying for a change of heart to gratitude instead of dissatisfaction. It would change so much, help me break down that wall.

Food is my reward...Beagle Status

So today I realized how food motivated I am. Just like a beagle... When I need to get something done, I give myself the promise of something delicious at the end. A good recipe or something I love after a long day of work... A cold beverage for after mowing the lawn... Carryout if I do this workout... etc.

Today it was really hard when I had an appointment that I didn't want to go to, to not reward myself with my usual delicious coffee drink! I was on the edge... Calls were made... I wasn't even sure that I wouldn't take the exit to the coffee shop I wanted to go to. But I didn't! I stayed on the highway and I stayed focused. Ugh, and that was just a baby struggle that was won that I'm celebrating because apparently I'm only capable of little baby steps right now. Making some sweet potato fries to celebrate... I'm afraid I'll blow it celebrating my victory! Dang...

The struggle is real.

So I have been avoiding this post because I just feel so pathetic... After the coffee incident things went downhill in a picnic basket. I have had some victories that we should celebrate, including when my co-workers decided to have an Oreo taste test for like two or three days with all different flavors, that I said no to successfully... I love Oreos. And their new food of the day item on the table, it's always super tempting... Saying no to prosciutto and fried rice... I've been really good at avoiding bread and desserts and a lot of things but I have broadened my taste spectrum beyond my seven items.

Despite some sweet victories, I have also given in a lot also, mainly just in broadening the amount of vegetables I can have because I'm thinking I may have done a bad job picking them. I am still making conscious choices, like this weekend being on the road for a camping weekend. I chose the chicken item but sometimes I'd have the chicken on a salad or if they don't have broccoli or sweet potatoes or avocados as a side picking a vegetable instead of sweet delicious French fries.

The flesh and spirit are weak. Food might definitely be a problem area in this girl's life. Ugh. Then talk about conviction, this was in my Navigators devotion yesterday morning:

"For one thing, they despised the food God gave them and longed for the leeks and garlic of Egypt. By that act, they claimed they knew better than God what was good for them. God was fulfilling His promise to feed them, but they wanted a more interesting menu. Pride and rebellion became a way of life as they doubted God’s power and ridiculed His wisdom. They were constant grumblers because God did not always grant their desires. That was Israel’s sin."

I don't want to be like that, but I am! I can no longer read about Exodus and question how the Israelites turned away from God when he was leading them and feeding them daily, when I'm experiencing the same thing!! Ugh! I am just so weak and prideful and I don't know what to do.

And right now, it's nighttime, I'm hungry, I would have eaten dessert or something like that but I don't want to eat any of the food I have. I'd rather just sit here hungry... This sucks.

God's design of taste buds and the varieties of flavors and all of that is such a gift.

Too much fiber...

It is a thing! Sorry y'all but keeping it real. You might want to skip this read if you don't want to know about my bodily functions.

Oh my goodness, why don't they warn you it works both ways. Not enough fiber... You get backed up... But too much and you also get backed up! I did not know this.

I was meeting up with my friend this evening, and luckily she helps me with all things related to my lower intestine. Bless her heart! I was telling her what my foods where and how if we go to the places she was recommending, she can have whatever she likes, but I just would not partake. That does make me sorry for people  out there with food allergies that simply can't eat places and have to miss out. Eating is such a big part of relationships with me. Hopefully this will help me be more considerate of these issues in the future.

It also made me super self-conscious because I hate being the person that says I can't do that, no I can't do that, no I can't do that. It makes me feel super needy and I don't like being that way, I like to be able to go with the flow and have fun! I don't like making other people cater to my needs, so it was super sweet that she really worked hard to get this to work! It made me definitely appreciate just that little value in her friendship of not doing what only she wants but wanting what's also best for her friend.

I was also telling her how I was having some back pain and she was saying you're probably backed up from all the fiber you've been eating. We ended up going to a doughnut shop and she said I should have a little bit coffee to just get everything moving. I was in pain and I was like, I know that I shouldn't but if this is going to fix the problem I'm in! So we sat and talked for awhile and guys, the coffee worked! I felt my back pain start to go away and then a little while later, hit the bathroom up, and all better! So I'm thinking of reconsidering the black beans for something else as we researched the fiber in each of my foods, and also just mixing a little variety here and there to keep my body from not functioning correctly. Because that's not cool...

And you're welcome for this little public service announcement, now you know!

Whyyyyy food, why?

It's actually difficult to pick out clothes when I can wear anything I want, so weird! Simplicity makes life easier... I wear things more than once. It was nice mowing the lawn and not worrying about my only clothes smelling like motor.

On the other hand... I don't think I am going to survive this month. This food thing is super sucky. And takes so much planning. At the risk of actually making it this month, I might add a few more items. And seasoning.... although the black beans have been good. They take me back to study abroad in Brazil days.

#thefleshisweak

Almost done!

This month has been a good start to this journey.  I feel like I have already been growing in this time- in self-awareness of both my giftings and tendencies. It has been cool to intentionally reconnect with some old friends, reflecting on life and what the future might hold.

Clothing wise... 

1. Despite not being able to wear any of them, I feel like I bought a decent amount of new things this month.  Partially probably a backlash of wanting to wear something else... and partially because there was some cute fall stuff that would be good and was on sale!  That is not a good excuse because this month I have realized how little I really need to cover the basic need of being clothed.  

2. I really enjoy living in the excess of clothes in these areas... 
                Variety... in color and style.  
                Choices to meet the weather situation.  
                Having multiple items so I don't have to wash as frequently and my clothes aren't                             stinky.                          
                Expression so people know what I care about.
                Expectation- meeting the style people think I should be dressed as.

3. Expectation is a big clothing criteria for me. I want to dress close enough to blend in with the style people expect in a situation. This will be big tomorrow as I am in the company golf tournament with the selection of sweatpants, jeans, or athletic shorts.  It makes me cringe knowing I will stick out.  

4. But this month has also taught me that I am far more aware of my fashion/clothing situation than anyone else is.  To wear the same dress twice a week the last few weeks with nobody noticing seems so crazy.  It is a good reminder that I care way more about what people think, then they are actually thinking/realizing. 

5. It has been really nice having limited choices when I am getting ready.  I know what is clean, what is dirty, and there aren't many choices to make.  The simplicity is really nice!

I am excited to get to wear other colors and get into my cute fall purchases... but also excited to find out how this food month will go.  I want these clothing lessons to sink in so I am thinking I will try and find a way to cut back on what I have.

true love

So this is not related to Seven at all, but just something that dawned on me this month.  This may very well be a "me" thing...

You know whenever you have a friend or someone you like, and you see them talking with someone else? Particularly with someone you are interested in I guess... I am like.. are they laughing and having a good time?  Do they like them better than me?  Oh no- cue every insecurity and everything I might have done wrong to push said individual away at some point in time.  And part of me just wants them to not interact with any other girl in case they do find someone they like better.  I mean, flawless logic right?  Completely reasonable... and achievable!  Ha.

Then it occurred to me... if they couldn't interact with anyone else ever, how shallow and more fragile that relationship would be.  They don't love me for me, but because they had no other choice.  So giving them freedom to see and meet and choose, while seeming scary, makes that love so much deeper.  Obviously that isn't forever- like not once we make a lasting commitment in marriage to one another for life.  But dang- it hit me- that is God with me... with all of us.  He doesn't want  us to love Him because we had no other choice, but He desires the true love and relationship that comes from choosing Him time and time and time again.  Thank goodness He is abounding in forgiveness and patience, because oh how many times my heart wanders.  But how beautiful His love- and the picture he paints for us to walk out in our relationships.

So Will I (100 Billion X)

Obsessed with this song- probably listening at least 100 times... haha. I see and relate to God best in nature so this is just so beautiful to me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwYuKlbk6BQ

lyrics:

God of creation
There at the start
Before the beginning of time
With no point of reference
You spoke to the dark
And fleshed out the wonder of light

And as You speak
A hundred billion galaxies are born
In the vapor of Your breath the planets form
If the stars were made to worship so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve made
Every burning star
A signal fire of grace
If creation sings Your praises so will I

God of Your promise
You don’t speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
For once You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

And as You speak
A hundred billion creatures catch Your breath
Evolving in pursuit of what You said
If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I
So will I

If the stars were made to worship so will I
If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
For if everything exists to lift You high so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will I
If the sum of all our praises still falls shy
Then we’ll sing again a hundred billion times

God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I

Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind

Taking better care....

Weekends... Weekends are my rough time. It just seems everything gets smelly dirty soooo fast. I don't want to workout... Or mow the lawn... Or do the things I should cause then the clothing situation suffers.

I have realized how I care a lot less about my clothes when I have my plethora ready to go... but painting yesterday was so stressful because I didn't want to ruin anything that I still need to wear for two more weeks! I would usually just put on my "crap" clothes that I don't care about, but that was not a luxury I had and is now a luxury that I realize I take for granted. 

In true dramatic fashion... White paint with my Navy ensemble was difficult enough, but then all the mosquitoes of the land wanted to suck my blood at this precise moment, sensing my vulnerability as I needed to focus. Dip brush... paint trim piece... focus on not getting any drips on me... look at my legs... Smack a mosquito... Realize I forgot the brush status... Check to see if I got paint on me... Repeat. This is gross but I had like 4-5 squished mosquitoes on me by the time I finished. There was paint on my skin, but I think the ensemble miraculously survived!

I would say at this point my heart is definitely feeling for homeless people who only have so many clothing items and the struggles that really brings.

Expression and stinkiness...

Over the past two weeks I've found I don't really mind the clothes at all during the work day, but the outside of work clothes bothers me a lot more.

I went for a run yesterday and was frustrated because that meant by just cleaned shirt was immediately getting dirty. It wouldn't be a big deal usually, but when you only have so many shirts, you need them smelling their best! But I also don't want to sacrifice exercise for clothes. Ugh.

Also I realized I care more about how I look outside of work than at work. Probably because I feel like I have alot more freedom and expression in what I wear outside of work. And it's annoying to wear the same outfit just about every day when I have other fun things I want to wear...

Comic relief

Bahahaha. So apparently some people do notice repeat clothes... And that person is me. I picked my mom up and asked her, weren't you wearing that Tuesday? All defensive she replied yes, I wear it two or three times before I need to wash it! 

I wasn't offended, as the girl wearing 7 items there's a lot of repeats. I was wearing the same thing I wore to work Monday... It was just too funny it happened today.

Settling for mudpies

I found this C.S. Lewis quote today which really summarizes my feelings in doing this challenge/fast...

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

My desires have become sidetracked from infinite joy and glory towards clothes... And food... And following people's pictures... Mere mudpies. I have become entertained by something far less glorious and given it my time, money, energy, etc.

Tomorrow is the first day I will repeat a dress in the same week at work, and you know what? I'm pretty sure no one will notice or care! Ha. The annoying part is making sure things stay clean, but besides that the limited selection has been kind of soothing.  The bigger issue is still my caring what people think of my clothes, not the clothes themselves.

Post camping

It's been awhile because for the most part things have been going pretty smoothly. The lack of selection is nice in some ways... easy to make choices. The main issue was waiting for clothes to dry earlier this week so I had something to wear. Especially because I need to wash my clothes after mowing the lawn so I don't smell like an engine but the rest were dirty too. 

I camped this weekend and let me tell you, packing my clothes was a breeeeeeze! And you know what, I wore the same thing all weekend. With the exception of switching​ my jeans and sweatpants when I wanted to look fancier for my town appearances. It's great... I smell a little smokey, but no one cares. So that's been pretty nice. The whole point of my trip was to take some time to figure out what I am doing with my life, you know, a light undertaking. Nbd. Still working on that...

Hokies!!

We won! Virginia Tech beat West Virginia after years of not playing one another. It was a close game, back and forth, very exciting!

All that is to say, today I realized how much I use clothing to "speak" something about me in certain situations. I wore a different t-shirt earlier today as part of what we wear working with the kids at church. It "speaks", 'I work with your children and have been screened and am approved to be back here'.  Since this isn't a war against the system, I let that slide.

The shirt is an orange staff shirt and I was SO TEMPTED to wear it tonight for the game so people would always know I'm a Hokie! But no... Everything I had was blue or black... Ugh.

It's definitely been an interesting two days realizing how much more I use and value clothing choices than I was previously aware of....

Day 2. Clothes

Wow! Today kind of blew my mind. I woke up for outside yoga and it was very chilly and overcast with light rain. It was frustrating to not be able to grab a hoodie or long sleeved shirt and plan accordingly like I usually would. I rocked my sweatpants, shorts, t shirt and jacket. The drive over made me realize how that is a struggle the homeless or poor face everyday... Not having the luxury of picking the right clothing for the day. You wear what you have, and you make it work... Cold and wet or not! Whether they are dirty and smell a little isn't important because you gotta wear something.

Afterwards I was grabbing a warm breakfast to have some coffee and quiet time but the place was so crowded. When a man in the corner left, myself and another lady were going for the table. She saw I had been looking at it and offered to share until her friend came and another table cleared up. Well we started talking and it was great! The three of us sat and ate together and then just kept talking. It would be so cool if that happened more often, not being in a rush and able to slow down for those sweet moments.

They were such a blessing helping me start the process of thinking through my future... What this whole seven was partially about. Including working through a lot of different thought areas I was spinning my wheels on. They had great ideas and challenged me to visit some places over the next several months. How kind of them to spend their breakfast helping me! And they want updates from each month and the progress I am making :) This lined up perfectly with seven and brought confirmation to some thoughts I was having. Amazing how quickly God met me!

Month One- Clothing

So I have already realized how I do my fast will not be like Jen and her family, and that is okay.  It is between God and myself- not replicating what she needed to do, but doing what I need to do.  And it is definitely still going to be difficult.  I thought this would be an easy area for me, but it is the end of Day One with a long weekend coming and I am like, crap, what am I going to wear all weekend?! 

So for this month, I have divided it into two areas... 1. Work and 2. Not Work.  For each of these areas my very kind, patient, and way more fashion-conscious friend Janine and myself have narrowed down my wardrobe to seven items.  The struggle for me is I love comfy relaxing clothes, I like to do activities and exercise.  I do not dress how I need to dress for work in regular life... and I am not trying to get fired for wearing the same t-shirt and shorts to work 3 days a week.  Similar to how Jen did it- undergarments do not count.  I am however selecting one jacket to wear overall, not included as part of the seven. So here are my selections:

Work- 
1. Plain black dress
2. Plain Blue dress
3. Black with kind of polka dots dress
4. Mustard colored cardigan
5. Gray cardigan (with sweet elbow patches I just added since I had work holes in BOTH elbows... this was a debate with Janine as to whether I should have a patterned cardigan or not since I am going to look kind of boring. and plain with dull colors.. but I don't want too many obvious things so people won't realize I have worn the same thing twice that week)
6. Field long-sleeved shirt
7. Field work jeans

Not work-
1. Royal blue broomball t-shirt
2. Carribean blue ron jon t-shirt  (my parents got my this as a gift and its very soft an comfy... I would have picked other t-shirts but they were gray or black and everything else is already plain- so I couldn't do it)
3. Summer's Best Two Weeks mesh shorts
4. Sweatpants!
5. Dark cropped jeans
6. Fitted black plain short-sleeved shirt
7. Blue Buffalo Plaid Flannel

I am planning to go camping this month.. I have been going to a Barre class (which is legit if you have never tried it- my goodness)... I need to look professional... And mow the lawn... and be warm as it gets cooler... but not be really hot on those hot September days... we looked up the typical weather temperatures for the month...there was a long talk in which a hoodie was cut for a second t-shirt.  

After day one, I am very interested to how this month will go.  I am looking forward to the easy choices on work mornings, but not looking forward to not having choices and variety. I felt like I was having a break-up with my closet last night, "It isn't you, it's me... I will be back in a month!" But when October comes, will I purge a lot of them, realizing how truly over abundantly I have been living? I will keep ya posted.

Seven Begins...

Earlier this summer as our church was starting our study on the book of Revelation, specifically the message on Chapter 3, we heard about the Church of Laodicea, which was addressed in the scroll as being a church that was "rich". 

vv 17-18- "You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you           do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see."

The conviction was on my heart that I am most certainly very rich compared to the world, even if I don't always feel that way. That I often rely on my own ability to meet my needs instead of relying on God, and a lot of the things that I often purchase are not even needs, they are wants. At which point I realized I needed to do something, to snap me out of "rich but still poor" mentality, and to focus on how amazingly blessed I am. I don't want to be pitiful, poor, blind, and naked as a result of my "richness". 

It brought me back to a family who I distantly knew way back in 2010 who went through this "Seven" challenge.  I knew a little bit about it, but not too much.   So remembering how she was talking about only wearing seven clothes or something like that, I looked up Seven when I got home.  It is now a book, written by Jen Hatmaker. I found the description which seemed perfect to deal with my richness-

"7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence."

...and it was perfect! So I found a cheap used copy to learn more. It is a cool idea- she picked seven areas of excess and intentionally focussed on one per month- you can see them below on the book cover:

So I started reading and knew I needed to do this- I needed to intentionally do a seven month fast of these things that distract me and numb me to my actual need for God.  I think some areas will definitely be easier than others, and truthfully, I just want to be able to share the lesson I think I will learn from that month and not have to do it. Mainly food... I love food... I love different flavors and tastes and recipes...  Feel sorry for those around me during food month...

Sometimes I think I can distract myself from the real issues I need to deal with by relying on some of these areas instead of going to God.  So I begin- excited but unsure of what is going to be overturned. 

So it is September and I will begin- it will lead me on a journey back to God and my need for Him.  It will culminate around my 30th birthday- eek!  So I can't think of a better way to wrap up a decade and intentionally begin the next. My hope is that it will destroy some these walls and this numbness that has grown around and in my heart.  I hope it will open my eyes to the things I have taken for granted and the many ways I am blessed in daily routines that have become that, a routine instead of opportunities for gratitude.   

...Here we go!

Wrestling

How do we reconcile Romans 14:13-23:

13Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.[c] 22The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.


in a world where so many people are grieved by so much... As we think about our nation's past and the civil war. Yet not let what is good be spoken of as evil as it says in verse 16. When I see men like Robert E. Lee who is considered "evil" in many eyes, yet taught his slaves to read and freed them, giving them worth and dignity ... While Lincoln whom we revere said "I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races, —that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race" in the Lincoln-Douglas debates. 

Both of whom did amazing things for our country either in the engineering or battlefields or from the public office. So the thing it seems is someone can do the right things for the wrong reasons, and be considered a good person in the eyes of men; yet someone can do the wrong things for the right reasons and be considered bad by man. Which I guess is the reason we can find peace and justice in the fact and hope that God judges the heart and man judges the outward appearances.

Calluses and Dirty Glasses

Kind of gross right?  But what I recently realized while praying through some things about my heart, my insecurities, and my potential relationships is that I have been living with calluses and dirty lenses.  Instead of being soft and open-hearted, I have built up calluses in those places where I have been hurt.  Instead of seeing myself the way God sees me and in my identity as his daughter and his creation, I have allowed my judgments, and others' words and views to cloud the lenses I am looking through.

In times and situations where I have been vulnerable and it has seemingly backfired or been painful, instead of allowing God to heal me, I developed a callus.  A callus is defined as "hard, thickened areas of skin that form as a consequence of rubbing, friction or pressure on the skin" and that is exactly what I have.  I have thickened areas on my heart that I hope will protect me from that pain, when in reality they are keeping me from any real and meaningful love instead.  What I realized and prayed is that God would be the pumice stone that helps sand down the rough areas I have built- not to hurt me, but so that I can be open again.  It is a pumice stone that looks a lot like forgiveness, but one that I really cannot do on my own. I need His provision and strength.  

I also have worn glasses for a long time- and it is so annoying when something gets on your lenses and distorts your vision.  The odd caveat is that sometimes things build up on there that you don't even notice, ever so slightly, until overtime they are changing your view.  When you finally wipe them clean it is amazing how clearly you can once again see!  Well I realized this has also happened in my my life.  Ever so slightly, I have let the views others have of me land on my life glasses.  Instead of realizing it and seeking God to help get my view right and truly clean my lenses, I kind of wiped away at it but instead smeared it thinly all over.  So overtime these things have built up and shaped how I am seeing myself and others.  I need God's lens cleaner and wipes to actually clean the lenses that I have just smeared into a mess.  This is a lens cleaner that looks a lot like repentance and seeking reassurance and true identity through His truth and words.  I need His help to truly clean off a mess that I could only smear around.  

So I share this as encouragement and a challenge- are you building up thicker skin thinking you are dealing with the pain or are you allowing God to work in your heart through forgiveness?  Are you just smearing the hard things around on your lenses to think you're dealing with them or are you wrestling with the things landing on your lenses, repenting of the ones you've let shape your view and seeking His help to clean them off and guide you back to a clear view? 

Keepin the Boat Afloat

I was thinking today how I had been in such good time of growth and connection with God during lent and leading up to Easter.  I was getting fuel by reading and doing a devotional, and I was paddling by writing out prayers daily.  But now that Easter has come and my Lent devotional is over I realize how much like a boat I am.  Back then I was fueling my motor and had my paddling arms ready...  Now I just feel like I am coasting and riding my momentum until it stops.

I think I get in the cycles often and I am praying that God would help me keep up with my momentum all the time, not just when I get stuck.  Especially because it is so much easier to get started back up when you are still pointed in the right direction and have some speed going!

He doesn't NEED anything...

And it is SOOOO nice!  This fact really washed over to me today as I have felt more and more like I need someone to just listen to me and let me vent throughout different happenings... Yet everyone has their own problems.  It isn't a bad thing, it is just called life!  We all have things happening and we all need someone to be there for us.  But as I approached God to pray, it dawned on me how sweet it is to have Him there, ready to listen always, not needing something back from me, but genuinely wanting to let me talk and work through things with him.  And it was so sweet- I have been seeking so hard to find it all around me when He has always been right there.

Just let the sweet fact that the creator of the universe, who has so much going on under His control, is there to just spend time listening and reaching out to you.  Yet he has those things handled- and doesn't need me to solve his problems, but brings me solutions and guidance, and sometimes let's me be part of the solution or guidance for someone else.  It is just too joy giving not to take as second to mention.

Particle Board- Be gone!

I've been getting more into making my own things from scratch... not just food but some furniture items, wooden signs, vanilla extract, body soap, lotion, etc.  I have also canned a few items in the last couple years.  I am still a beginner so they aren't all the greatest... mistakes were made, and I realized how impatient I am!  What I have learned is these things take time. They take energy. They take thought and planning. They take intentionality. But they are so much better tasting and more rewarding. 

The vanilla extract I made as gifts- that had to sit for eight weeks!  I had no idea, so I had to start those quite early to be ready for Christmas. But it tastes amazing and I know weird chemicals weren't used to speed up the process to make a company money. On the flip side, some things are easier than I was expecting but it does take time and planning to make sure you have all the ingredients you are going to need. 

I have also been planning on redoing my bathroom and looking at furniture- and it makes me sad because so much of what is available is quick and cheaply assembled particle board crap that isn't meant to last.  It dawned on my after listening to Ben Stuart's talk, Sex on the Front Lawn, that this is the direction we are going in like every area of life. We have moved from things that take time and energy to grow and create, to cheap quick imitations.  In relationships as well as food and products.. all over the market.  The sad thing is we are giving up such good and beautiful quality things- for something that isn't meant to last, and is just there to look good for a short period then be thrown away. 

I want the good- handmade- quality materials used- built to last furniture... relationship... products.  I want to stop worshipping the gods of busyness and cheap to put the time, effort, and intention into having something better and lasting.  Especially with food.  I've made things that taste SOOO good and are actually healthy because I put the time and effort into it.  I need to step up this year and cut out the things that are just distractions to be intentional about seeking quality this year.